I'm A Sad Panda:
it has come to my attention that i own way too much "Sad Bastard" music. i'm talking everything from whiney EMO groups like Dashboard Confessional, to the Blues filled fifts of Mr. B.B. King, to...well anything by Tom Waits that doesn't have to do with midgets (which is mostly his older stuff). i guess i'm forced to ask myself the question poised in the film/book "High Fedelity": did i listen to pop music because i'm depressed or am i depressed because i listened to pop music? i find this is a very good question to ask one's self when he is facing a watershed in his life. i am a firm believer that you can tell a lot about a person from what's in their CD collection (or movies but that one's harder because i grade on a scale and with the ablity to recall trivial facts about most movies, i find many lacking) if a person has a wide range of music it does not account for good taste. no one listens to both N'Sync and Johnny Cash. it's just not done. so what does my CD collection say about me? that i need a hug and my hero is Marvin from the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (i'm not getting you down am i?). i fear that this is what's cost me many women in my life, not that they are banging down my door, more that over time sitting in the corner booth of a diner feeling sorry for myself is not much of a way for a man who is about to turn 21 and is perhaps going to make the biggest (to date) desion of his life, to live. i guess it's truly gotten to that time when my birthday comes around and i am forced to come to grip with the fact that it's been a whole year and i still have yet to accompish Anything. what have i done? what does my life mean to the world? galaxy? reality? what impact have i had on anything? i'm a 20 year old college dropout working at a bookstore who lives with his mother and spend everynight with a video game addicted spaz and an over weight bull dyke with control issues, spouting bullshit to anyone who will take the time out their pathetic lives to listen. i should do something, anything, but i don't have the motivation. i'm a slacker, pure and true. i hate the world and it hates me.
on a seperate but equally depressing note, i am still in a state of constant ambiguity with Diana. she remains aloof about the sagging state of things with her boyfriend which means one of two things: the are working out whatever problems they have faced and will live happily ever after or she's getting ready to dump is tired ass to fuck with my head full time. to me the second option seems the less likely, but what do you expect from a pesimist. i'm getting a little tired of the games, looks like a reckoning is coming.
and now a few quick notes:
1: everyone needs to go out and buy a copy of Tom Waits' masterpiece "Heart Of Saturday Night", it's old school so you can understand what he's saying and has some of the best non-midget songs he's ever written.
2: "God Of War" is the best video game out on the market today. it's got blood, gore, and boobs, what more could you want? think "Dynasty Warriors" controls.
3: 8 years ago "The Whale" left Hartford. news flash, they left a long time before that. the Whalers were never and will never be a good team. they traded their best players all the time, Pronger/Francis/Samulson and destroied up and coming talent Burke/Sanderson/O'Neil. i got a word of advice to the hockey fans in Hartford, we do have pro hockey it's called the AHL, get use to it. you fucked up and that's all.
it has come to my attention that i own way too much "Sad Bastard" music. i'm talking everything from whiney EMO groups like Dashboard Confessional, to the Blues filled fifts of Mr. B.B. King, to...well anything by Tom Waits that doesn't have to do with midgets (which is mostly his older stuff). i guess i'm forced to ask myself the question poised in the film/book "High Fedelity": did i listen to pop music because i'm depressed or am i depressed because i listened to pop music? i find this is a very good question to ask one's self when he is facing a watershed in his life. i am a firm believer that you can tell a lot about a person from what's in their CD collection (or movies but that one's harder because i grade on a scale and with the ablity to recall trivial facts about most movies, i find many lacking) if a person has a wide range of music it does not account for good taste. no one listens to both N'Sync and Johnny Cash. it's just not done. so what does my CD collection say about me? that i need a hug and my hero is Marvin from the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (i'm not getting you down am i?). i fear that this is what's cost me many women in my life, not that they are banging down my door, more that over time sitting in the corner booth of a diner feeling sorry for myself is not much of a way for a man who is about to turn 21 and is perhaps going to make the biggest (to date) desion of his life, to live. i guess it's truly gotten to that time when my birthday comes around and i am forced to come to grip with the fact that it's been a whole year and i still have yet to accompish Anything. what have i done? what does my life mean to the world? galaxy? reality? what impact have i had on anything? i'm a 20 year old college dropout working at a bookstore who lives with his mother and spend everynight with a video game addicted spaz and an over weight bull dyke with control issues, spouting bullshit to anyone who will take the time out their pathetic lives to listen. i should do something, anything, but i don't have the motivation. i'm a slacker, pure and true. i hate the world and it hates me.
on a seperate but equally depressing note, i am still in a state of constant ambiguity with Diana. she remains aloof about the sagging state of things with her boyfriend which means one of two things: the are working out whatever problems they have faced and will live happily ever after or she's getting ready to dump is tired ass to fuck with my head full time. to me the second option seems the less likely, but what do you expect from a pesimist. i'm getting a little tired of the games, looks like a reckoning is coming.
and now a few quick notes:
1: everyone needs to go out and buy a copy of Tom Waits' masterpiece "Heart Of Saturday Night", it's old school so you can understand what he's saying and has some of the best non-midget songs he's ever written.
2: "God Of War" is the best video game out on the market today. it's got blood, gore, and boobs, what more could you want? think "Dynasty Warriors" controls.
3: 8 years ago "The Whale" left Hartford. news flash, they left a long time before that. the Whalers were never and will never be a good team. they traded their best players all the time, Pronger/Francis/Samulson and destroied up and coming talent Burke/Sanderson/O'Neil. i got a word of advice to the hockey fans in Hartford, we do have pro hockey it's called the AHL, get use to it. you fucked up and that's all.
so how things? sophia is still kicking sam and i'm sitting here readying myself to finish pack before our move tomorrow, and i realize just how much i miss ya!
so here goes...
what's another year? you hav plenty more. just need to motivate yourself to actually do something with them.
diana will break up with her boyfriend, sooner or later. so be the good friend and be there for her. and remember:
two fingers.
dry.
in the ass, as she rides you you grinding her sex into your pelvis. her dripping wet sex envoloping...
oops..sorry got carried away.
you can always go somewhere else to drink coffee and sit on your ass all night. i always found it a good idea to take a couple nights off once a month or so...just think! soon you can go waste time at the alcohol side of the titty bar!
and yes i know how you dislike change and feel so homey at the grill. but unles you tell joe and cheryl off you'll just stew and fume.
pray to the coffee gods!