whodovoodoowedo

Well in Butterfly's post she asked what everyones worst fear is, I didnt have a reply for that because, although I am not fearless it just never really occurred to me. One of the many things I choose not to care about or acknowledge until I am actually faced with it. That way there is less worrying about it and when it comes about it passes fairly quickly and provides a step to getting over it and dealing with such. Well I met one of those fears today when I visited my Grandmother in the ICU. it was only 2 weeks ago that I had seen her and she was doing great, and then the phone call last night stating that she had been put in ICU. I was fine with it until I actually went in and saw her and just how sickly she looked. Its hard to know what to do because you know they love you and they want you there but at the same time they dont want you there because they dont want you remembering them that way. Thats my fear though is seeing how scared she was when those machines started beeping and she didnt know what was going on, and there I was standing next to her. I've never seen that type of struggle for life, I had always seen the quick death, or the long hospital stays that are sketchy, or the really bad sickness but not this type of struggle. The only way i can describe it is, its the same way you or I would struggle for that last gasp of air as someone held your head under water. Well with that off my chest I feel a little better and hopfully the next couple days will prove to be better and she will go home well.