LIFE
All of your life, you've been lied to.
You've been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make
friends, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and
have kids. Watch tv,vote, find some hobbies to entertain you. Donate
money to charity. Go on vacation. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look
back on your life with nostalgia, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing.
WRONG!
For those of you who don't know it, I had a miscarriage 6 days ago and I feel like someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it right in front of my eyes
Lesson learned - if/when you find out that you are goingt to be a parent, just keep your mouth shut. This has been the hardest thing that piratepete and I have ever had to go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
The thing that upsets me more than anything out of this whole thing is that last week when complications arose I was told that everything would be fine. 2 trips to the ER to be told "Don't worry, this is normal"
When things started to get really bad last Sunday (and I knew what was happening) another trip to the Doctor for him to tell us "Everything looks good. I wouldn't worry so much"
Well FUCK YOU AND THE REST OF THE WORLD THERE DOC!!!!!!
The ultrasound on Monday morning made me want to get physically sick when they turned the monitor away from me as soon as they realized that there wasn't anything to see. My Prenatal Doctor didn't even see me afterwards. Just a phone call to tell me that she was handing my care over to another Doctor and a ""Good Luck in the future" Who the fuck does that to a person????
Blood test after blood test, IV's , Blood Product injections, Hospitals and Doctor Offices and you have one little Medic that has given up. I surrender It wasn't confirmed but they thought that when it happened (at 7 weeks) there was a possibility that we lost twins
I appreciate people telling me that it will get easier and some of their stories of similar experiences but this is MINE and I'm trying to deal with it as best as I can.
I feel for Pete because in times like this I tend to push the ones I love away in order to try and take some of the burden off of others. I don't mean to but this is how I operate. I guess it is something I picked up in the Medical profession when dealing with families who go through similar loss.
My heart is so busted up that I don't think they will ever fit the pieces back together
Just going to the mall is a stab at the heart right now. I see all of these kids with babies and think "I wonder if that was a planned child or if it was a mistake?".........................I would kill for a mistake right now
Oh well - I guess its lifes way of saying I'm not suppose to be a mom right?
All of your life, you've been lied to.
You've been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make
friends, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and
have kids. Watch tv,vote, find some hobbies to entertain you. Donate
money to charity. Go on vacation. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look
back on your life with nostalgia, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing.
WRONG!
For those of you who don't know it, I had a miscarriage 6 days ago and I feel like someone has ripped my heart out and stomped on it right in front of my eyes
Lesson learned - if/when you find out that you are goingt to be a parent, just keep your mouth shut. This has been the hardest thing that piratepete and I have ever had to go through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy
The thing that upsets me more than anything out of this whole thing is that last week when complications arose I was told that everything would be fine. 2 trips to the ER to be told "Don't worry, this is normal"
When things started to get really bad last Sunday (and I knew what was happening) another trip to the Doctor for him to tell us "Everything looks good. I wouldn't worry so much"
Well FUCK YOU AND THE REST OF THE WORLD THERE DOC!!!!!!
The ultrasound on Monday morning made me want to get physically sick when they turned the monitor away from me as soon as they realized that there wasn't anything to see. My Prenatal Doctor didn't even see me afterwards. Just a phone call to tell me that she was handing my care over to another Doctor and a ""Good Luck in the future" Who the fuck does that to a person????
Blood test after blood test, IV's , Blood Product injections, Hospitals and Doctor Offices and you have one little Medic that has given up. I surrender
It wasn't confirmed but they thought that when it happened (at 7 weeks) there was a possibility that we lost twinsI appreciate people telling me that it will get easier and some of their stories of similar experiences but this is MINE and I'm trying to deal with it as best as I can.
I feel for Pete because in times like this I tend to push the ones I love away in order to try and take some of the burden off of others. I don't mean to but this is how I operate. I guess it is something I picked up in the Medical profession when dealing with families who go through similar loss.
My heart is so busted up that I don't think they will ever fit the pieces back together
Just going to the mall is a stab at the heart right now. I see all of these kids with babies and think "I wonder if that was a planned child or if it was a mistake?".........................I would kill for a mistake right now
Oh well - I guess its lifes way of saying I'm not suppose to be a mom right?
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
zerodiva:
The fact that you put it out there for all us to read makes you an amazingly strong person! You do what you need to to feel better for yourself, but the hearts of all your SG friends are wrapping themselves around you right now. I hope you feel the warmth even a little bit! 
caffeinemonkey:
I am so sorry that you and Pete are going through this. I could tell you my expreience but it sounds like you have heard it before. Time will heal. You are young and health and it will work out!