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whiterabbit819

Black Rock City

Member Since 2006

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Monday Mar 04, 2013

Mar 4, 2013
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Conversations with a Wizard

I should first be clear on the word wizards, wizards are what a friend of mine calls the crazy homeless people. The idea is that their brain is so full of magic and then faced with the knowledge of an alternate dimension they no longer know which plain they exist on. This causes what we see as babbling and conversations with invisible people.

This wizard was a new wizard, not yet babbling.

I sat on the steps of a large trying to look Gothic cathedral in Sacramento smoking a coffin nail and waiting for a friend to meet me for dinner. It was then that a wizard spotted me, wizards are drawn to tobacco smoke for it is a weakness of theirs and this is why in most old films and books they are seen smoking pipes.

Wizard: Do you have any change?

Me: Uh yea I think I have a nickel.

I produce an nickel and two pennies and offer them to the wizard.

It is here that the wizard puts the change in his mouth. I assume either for safe keeping or performing some magic spell. He opens a large book and begins reading silently, the book is much to large to be a bible. He stands for a moment next to me leaning on the gaurd rail reading and shuffling the change around in his mouth. Turning the page he slowly looked up at me over what I assume can only be a book of magic.

Wizard: Can I bum a smoke?

Me: Of course (it is unwise to anger wizards)

He took the smoke and reached deep into the front of his pants for an uncomfortable amount of time finally producing a lighter. Where he kept it that it took so long to find I would rather not know. I would like to assume he had a bag of holding hidden and that it was not in fact up his ass

Wizard: Ah, American Spirits. You like smoking these?

Me: I do, I figure they are worth the extra money. I get them when I can afford them

Wizard: Yea theyre really smooth. You know what else is really smooth?

Me: Whats that?

Wizard: Freebasing pure cocaine. If you like American Spirits youll love freebasing cocaine. You should only do it if its pure though.

Silence

The wizard looks back at his magic tome and we continue smoking.

After a moment the wizard starts to search through his bag of holding. I rise and slowly walk away.

Wizard: Mumbling as I walk away, Real smooth Like American Spirits

To this day I will always associate American Spirits with wizards freebasing pure cocaine.
dearambellina:
Haha! Great story. I try to limit my interaction with homeless people to giving them my leftovers after dinner (unless they're a patient of mine in the hospital of course)... but they really do tell the best stories.
Mar 4, 2013

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