whiteiris

I did not sleep well last night. I kept having dreams about the bar and Cameron. My sinuses are fucked up again. I want to put up my tree but I am a lazy bitch and I probably won't do it til next week.

I am tired of feeling the way I feel. So I won't anymore. Just like that. I wonder what he did...
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You know - I know that there are some things that I should just let go. I shouldn't hold on to bad memories. I should just let them fall off me like running water. They don't bother me as much - I suppose time has a factor in that.

I sit here with the boys and I wonder what my life will be when I...
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Saw Clint and Susy today. He wasn't going to work and he lied when he said he wasn't home. I told him the boys wanted to see him and he said he wasn't there but he was. He throws it up in my face that the boys don't stay with me but yet he never sees them either. He tries to play the good father...
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I got my paper done finally. I finished my BIO test. Finals are next week. My kids are driving me nuts and I hurt - a lot.

I have been so out of it for a while. I still hurt a little bit. I have a tendency to think I am okay and then I wear myself out. I am working on my paper now. I should get it done today. It is not really going to be 10 pages of text but with the title page and the works cited page...
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Still kinda dopey. There is nothing on TV. Grimace is supposed to come over and we watch a movie. Cameron said he is probably going to go home after work. He pulled a back muscle and can hardly walk. I had to tie his shoelaces.

I hurt. My sinuses are fucked up so I can't breathe all that well. I am kinda lonely. I think...
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Kinda doped up. Home now. Still doesn't feel like I am here. Nothing seems real. Cameron has been with me a lot. I love him so much.

Gonna go sleep. Will write more later. Getting kinda depressed now.

I go in tomorrow. I think we are going to go to dallas today. Wanna try and leave after class. I hung out at his place for a bit last night but came home around 1. Just in case my mom drove by and didn't see my car here. I don't want to hear her bitch. I started bleeding and cramping again. Lots more blood...
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I feel like shit. Sinus infections suck ass. I am fixing to get ready for work. My last day for a while. I didn't want to leave Cameron. I felt so comfortable and warm.

Then I get to go out in the harsh cruel world and put on a pretty face. YEAH

Just got home. Gonna take a shower and go love on that sexy man o mine. Sam was late so I left without him. Typical fucking man. That's why I don't have friends. Too much extra shit. I went up to the bar tonight. I couldn't go back to sleep.

I feel bad about bitching so much sometimes. It seems that sometimes nothing ever makes...
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