whiteiris

I know this is going to make me sound like a total tramp but I really just want to get laid. I don't want to like the guy - I just want to be attracted to him. I don't want him to speak or hell even know my name - they just get attached later on.

And I don't want him to be sweet. i want hard, throbbing, pounding sex that goes for hours, several different positions and makes you hurt for a few days. Kyle was rough but not rough enough. I don't want someone to make love to me. I don't know why guys seem to think they are going to break me. I mean - hell I am 6 feet tall - i weight about 140 - I am not small by any means - slender - Kyle said he thought it was funny that someone as skinny as me is so strong. He saw me as this tall skinny woman with long limbs and didnt realize I was so strong. Which if you saw me in person - yuo wouldn't beleive it either - I am - i guess you would say willowy.

Anyway..

I want the guy to leave before the sun comes up and I don't ever want to see him again. I don't want to be friends and I want him to be mature enough to keep his damn mouth shut. I thought that was what I was getting with Kyle but we ended up really liking each other and getting along really well - so - i would rather have that than sex but now I have to find the sex somewhere.

I want someone to fight me in bed. Tell me to do something and make me but I will fight you. I use to be so timid in bed and after my divorce I started to realize what I really liked. And being with Cameron - i know what sex is with true love. Of course that is better but even then - he was never rough with me - even though I wanted it.

I want to be brutalized. I want bruises on my neck and back. I want claw marks and teeth marks on my inner thighs. I want to feel the orgasm the next day. I want my hair pulled back as he tells me what he is going to do to me. I want bruised mouth and to be pushed up against a wall made to scream in such pleasure that for one moment I forget who I am. And then I want him to disappear. I don't want his number or to even know where he lives - oh and we will get a hotel room - i don't want him knowing where I live either. Just one night - actually a weekend would be nice.

So - now that I have let out my inner gutter slut - I am staying in tonight and may start my quest tomorrow. I don't feel as if my feelings are wrong or immoral but things like that shock people - even those who know me well. I hide so much of my feelings from everyone. Other I wear on my sleeve.

I know exactly what I want and I won't settle until I find it. I think I am going to end up having a guy for each day of the week. One guy to hang out with , one to cuddle with, one to have sex with, one to shop with , one to tak to, one to be friends with. I just hope one day that I will find one guy to replace those.

I am not ready for it now. I have a lot of stuff I need to work out. I am getting a roommate in the next few months. Hopefully this will help my loneliness. If something comes along - great but if not then oh well too.

so - until then - I just want really great sex.