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whiteiris

The Black Hole

Member Since 2004

Followers 25 Following 15

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Thursday Mar 03, 2005

Mar 3, 2005
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Well I have three midterms next week and have to turn in two lesson plans. I need to get cracking on the whole study business.

I thought I lost Itchy. She fell asleep under the cabinets for a while. I sent Cameron a message letting him know but never heard from him. I didn't expect to but since he paid for them I thought he should know if one went missing. I also realized today that he has some blank CD's of mine so I left him a message that I needed them back - no response. I don't think he has been home all day. Part of me wonders where he is - the other part says fuck him. He goes in to work at midnight tonight.

It's really weird not seeing him or even talking to him. I am in the phase of eat shit. You are the one who fucked up. I am going to enjoy being single and free. I don't really miss him per se just the company sometimes. That boy did make me laugh. I don't really know who he is anymore so that makes it a little bit easier. I don't know a part of me thinks he will call but I don't really hurt if he doesn't. It's really really weird.

I think I want to know where he has been and what he has been doing cause I am so nosy. I tried to talk to my mom tonight about my schedule for the summer and fall and she didn't really seem in the mood. Oh well, I will talk to her about it some other time.

I think what would hurt the most is if I saw him with another girl. After him telling me he wants to be alone and all that shit then he shacks up with some girl. I can't control what he does but I can control my reaction - or well hide it like it doesn't matter. Well, I am getting on with my life. Or trying to at least. I just miss my friend. But again - I don't need friend that treat me like shit.

I don't know what I am trying to say. Just suppressing all the pent up emotions I guess. I don't want him back - I want the guy i met back but he will never be that again. I didn't fall in love with this self centered asshole that he is now.
Ugh - not gonna talk about this anymore. I am gonna take out the garbage - take a shower - I am having a friend over and we are going to eat cheesecake - drink wine - and watch the last unicorn - and various other movies. This guy makes me laugh as well.

I want my damn cd's back motherfucker. Selfish piece of shit. That is how I think of him now. Selfish asshole - and I am psychotic bitch - so no wonder we didn't work well together.

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