Well, we talked. For a long time. Things were said on both parts and faults were achknowledged and apologized for. There really isn't much more to say than that. I reall don't want to re-hash everything we said. He thought I was going over to his house to break up with him and he was going to let me. That kinda bothers me. The fact that he would think that over something that can be worked out that I would break up with him. And he would let me and not be concerned about it.
There is still that wall between us but maybe we can work on meeting each other in the middle. I don't know. Maybe he is right. About the whole puzzle metaphor. Maybe we are so attached to each other that we can't see that we don't work. That we never worked. We just wanted it to work becasue we were so use to people not accepting us that when we found one that did we grabbed a hold to it.
This whole issue has brought up a lot of things. I wonder if he is still going to hang out with Lindsay even though he knows I don't like it. I mean when they are in a group of people no biggie but the alone thing I don't like. We talked about the fact that I like sex way more than him. I don't know how I am going to get around that one.
I have been thinking about long term things. Maybe it is too soon to be thinking these things but maybe not. Better to deal with this shit now than waste antoher year trying to figure each other out I suppose. I realize I am not making much sense but whatever.
He has mentioned looking for a place to live. I wonder if we will ever live together. That is a big thing. we have been having a lot of troubles so I can understand why he doesn't want to but that is a big issue if we are thinking about being together for a while. If he doesn't want to live with me then he needs to tell me. I cannot be in this relationship much longer if there is no future.
That's what I wonder - do we have a future? Does he want to be with me enough to have a future with me? I don't think that makes sense. To me it does so again - whatever. Can I deal with his coldness when he gets mad? Can I deal with the silence? I have thus far but not very well. I am sucha jumble. I know he thinks we worked everything out but things don't change over night. All the things we said are still going on in my head and I am trying (really hard) to sort through them and figure this out.
Do you want to be with me? Do you want to be with me for the rest of your life? Do we have a future? Will you stop being so selfish with yourself that you will allow me to share your space?
There is a lot more to say but I have to go to class.
I need an answer. I don't want to cry anymore. I just want to be happy.
There is still that wall between us but maybe we can work on meeting each other in the middle. I don't know. Maybe he is right. About the whole puzzle metaphor. Maybe we are so attached to each other that we can't see that we don't work. That we never worked. We just wanted it to work becasue we were so use to people not accepting us that when we found one that did we grabbed a hold to it.
This whole issue has brought up a lot of things. I wonder if he is still going to hang out with Lindsay even though he knows I don't like it. I mean when they are in a group of people no biggie but the alone thing I don't like. We talked about the fact that I like sex way more than him. I don't know how I am going to get around that one.
I have been thinking about long term things. Maybe it is too soon to be thinking these things but maybe not. Better to deal with this shit now than waste antoher year trying to figure each other out I suppose. I realize I am not making much sense but whatever.
He has mentioned looking for a place to live. I wonder if we will ever live together. That is a big thing. we have been having a lot of troubles so I can understand why he doesn't want to but that is a big issue if we are thinking about being together for a while. If he doesn't want to live with me then he needs to tell me. I cannot be in this relationship much longer if there is no future.
That's what I wonder - do we have a future? Does he want to be with me enough to have a future with me? I don't think that makes sense. To me it does so again - whatever. Can I deal with his coldness when he gets mad? Can I deal with the silence? I have thus far but not very well. I am sucha jumble. I know he thinks we worked everything out but things don't change over night. All the things we said are still going on in my head and I am trying (really hard) to sort through them and figure this out.
Do you want to be with me? Do you want to be with me for the rest of your life? Do we have a future? Will you stop being so selfish with yourself that you will allow me to share your space?
There is a lot more to say but I have to go to class.
I need an answer. I don't want to cry anymore. I just want to be happy.