I am not so much pissed off but my feelings are hurt. I cooked dinner tonight and guess what? He didn't come over - as he said he would. I even reminded him about it this morning before he left. So I cooked for nothing. The boys don't eat stuff like that - well Mason did but I would have made something else if he had not told me he was going to come eat with me.
So - I just wasted my time and food cooking that. Mason tried to help and ended up pouring half a thing of cayenne in the water with the potatoes in it and ruined them so I had to start over.
I cannot send any poutgoing emails. They keep getting sent back. Need to fix that. The cable guy comes tomorrow to try and fix hte cable in my bedroom. Hope this one is intelligent and not a moron like the other ones I have dealt with.
I got everything moved okay. I think I will like it here with the exception of the herd of elephants that live upstairs.
The book that I bought that was the wrong edition for my LIBS class and went through so much trouble to get the right edition. The teacher had the old edition. Just my fucking luck.
School is going to be a lot of work but nothing I cannot yet handle. Mostly just tests except for 2 classes and they will be a good bit of work. I am going to start on my bulletin board tomorrow. Go ahead and get a jump on that. I need to read those books as well and get a jump on that. I can do it but I need to stop worrying about other shit. Like Cameron and me.
He really hurt my feelings. But what else is new. He does it a lot. I know it is stupid but when we have sex - for the past few months he can't seem to get off unless I giev him a hand job or a blow job. He won't/can't orgasm inside me. I think that is quite odd. That bothers me too. We have very little sex life. It use to be so good too. We are not comfortable around each other the way we use to be. At least I am not. I have tried to be but he is always in such a funk that I don't kow what to do.
Somedays I think we are growing apart. Lately I have spent time crying alone. I know he is down because of all the money and bar shit and it just makes me think that I just shoud go away for a bit. Not only did he treat me like crap for 6 months, sending questionable messages to another girl, and then now acts as if he doesn't care whether I am there or not. He does little things that are sweet but it doesn't make up for whatever the fuck is going on between us now.
I am so sad. He use to wrap his arms around me and I could feel how much he loved me and cared for me. Now he barely even touches me unless it is to grab my boobs. He is pushing me away and I can't go through this anymore. We haven't been spending a lot of time together lately anyway. We don't really spend the night with each other anymore. If we do he sleeps in another room. I know what we had and it seems as if it is just evaporating.
The things he mentioned about loving soemone but staying with them even though he knew it was going to end has me bothered. I won't go into detail but I feel that if I offered to fuck someone for the money for his bar he would let me do it. He wants the bar that much. He is so tired of being broke and this is his one shot to get some money to pay everything off and get some extra to get his life started.
Well, maybe not. I am just really upset. I don't fucking know anymore. I am so tried of going through this.
I know he goes off and does things and does not invite me. I know the night I went out with people from work it bothered him. Doesn't feel good to worry about where your girlfriend is does it? I think I am going to sit down and write him a letter tonight. Not really sure what I am going to say but something along the lines of you are cutting me out of your life again.
The night Grim called and he went up to the bar. The fact that I am always asking him to do things with me and he never asks me. I feel like I have to make him hang out with me. He doesn't include me in his life. And for someone who got on his knees and begged me to not leave and said he would give up anything to not lose me his recent actions do not indicate that he really even gives a shit about me. He does things with me because he feels he has to and helps me only because he feels obligated to since I have helped him as well.
Hell, maybe I should just send him a message telling him I am unhappy. Don't really seem to talk much except for fucking messages. I am so tired and sad. Dammit - there I go - that nasty crying again.
I am going to go take a shower and try to sleep.
So - I just wasted my time and food cooking that. Mason tried to help and ended up pouring half a thing of cayenne in the water with the potatoes in it and ruined them so I had to start over.
I cannot send any poutgoing emails. They keep getting sent back. Need to fix that. The cable guy comes tomorrow to try and fix hte cable in my bedroom. Hope this one is intelligent and not a moron like the other ones I have dealt with.
I got everything moved okay. I think I will like it here with the exception of the herd of elephants that live upstairs.
The book that I bought that was the wrong edition for my LIBS class and went through so much trouble to get the right edition. The teacher had the old edition. Just my fucking luck.
School is going to be a lot of work but nothing I cannot yet handle. Mostly just tests except for 2 classes and they will be a good bit of work. I am going to start on my bulletin board tomorrow. Go ahead and get a jump on that. I need to read those books as well and get a jump on that. I can do it but I need to stop worrying about other shit. Like Cameron and me.
He really hurt my feelings. But what else is new. He does it a lot. I know it is stupid but when we have sex - for the past few months he can't seem to get off unless I giev him a hand job or a blow job. He won't/can't orgasm inside me. I think that is quite odd. That bothers me too. We have very little sex life. It use to be so good too. We are not comfortable around each other the way we use to be. At least I am not. I have tried to be but he is always in such a funk that I don't kow what to do.
Somedays I think we are growing apart. Lately I have spent time crying alone. I know he is down because of all the money and bar shit and it just makes me think that I just shoud go away for a bit. Not only did he treat me like crap for 6 months, sending questionable messages to another girl, and then now acts as if he doesn't care whether I am there or not. He does little things that are sweet but it doesn't make up for whatever the fuck is going on between us now.
I am so sad. He use to wrap his arms around me and I could feel how much he loved me and cared for me. Now he barely even touches me unless it is to grab my boobs. He is pushing me away and I can't go through this anymore. We haven't been spending a lot of time together lately anyway. We don't really spend the night with each other anymore. If we do he sleeps in another room. I know what we had and it seems as if it is just evaporating.
The things he mentioned about loving soemone but staying with them even though he knew it was going to end has me bothered. I won't go into detail but I feel that if I offered to fuck someone for the money for his bar he would let me do it. He wants the bar that much. He is so tired of being broke and this is his one shot to get some money to pay everything off and get some extra to get his life started.
Well, maybe not. I am just really upset. I don't fucking know anymore. I am so tried of going through this.
I know he goes off and does things and does not invite me. I know the night I went out with people from work it bothered him. Doesn't feel good to worry about where your girlfriend is does it? I think I am going to sit down and write him a letter tonight. Not really sure what I am going to say but something along the lines of you are cutting me out of your life again.
The night Grim called and he went up to the bar. The fact that I am always asking him to do things with me and he never asks me. I feel like I have to make him hang out with me. He doesn't include me in his life. And for someone who got on his knees and begged me to not leave and said he would give up anything to not lose me his recent actions do not indicate that he really even gives a shit about me. He does things with me because he feels he has to and helps me only because he feels obligated to since I have helped him as well.
Hell, maybe I should just send him a message telling him I am unhappy. Don't really seem to talk much except for fucking messages. I am so tired and sad. Dammit - there I go - that nasty crying again.
I am going to go take a shower and try to sleep.