Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

whiteiris

The Black Hole

Member Since 2004

Followers 25 Following 15

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Jan 02, 2005

Jan 1, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
You know I look back at some of the things I write and see how ungrateful I seem sometimes. And maybe not that. I seem to expect the worst. It's easier that way when you get let down because you expected it and didn't get your hopes up and then have them crushed.

I have these thoughts about me and Cameron that I keep to myself because I don't know how to bring them up or don't want to make it seem as if I am unhappy. Well, sometimes I am unhappy but not all the time. The other day we were hanging around the house and I was very happy. I was in that bubble and nothing else seemed to matter. And most of the time when I am unhappy it really doesn't have anything to do with him.

I know a lot of the stuff he says is a joke but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it is things that he doesn't think will upset me. But other times he is serious and it is hard to tell sometimes which is which. I cannot imagine my life without him. But I still hurt from a lot of the things he has done to me. It is really hard to find your way back when the only way has been burned. But dammit I am trying - I really am.

I want things to be the way they were. I am trying to have enough patience to wait for that. Which is why I don't mention every worry that i have. Sometimes the worries go away on their own. I don't think I pressure him and I don't want to. I want him to do things because he wants to not because I pushed him to. Which is why I keep quiet about a lot of stuff. I know he feels bad about treating me badly and I don't want to keep throwing it up in his face. But I am still working on getting over that and I told him it would not be overnight. I think that makes me a little more sensitive to things.

Things will get better with time. I will stop being so insecure. He will be happier. Things won't be perfect but they will be damn close.

More Blogs

  • 02.12.05
    0

    Saturday Feb 12, 2005

    Work was okay last night. I got my tax money in and now feel as I hav…
  • 02.10.05
    2

    Thursday Feb 10, 2005

    I actually made it to class today. Two of my classes were cancelled s…
  • 02.09.05
    2

    Wednesday Feb 09, 2005

    I love the feeling of when you have just shaved your legs and then cr…
  • 02.09.05
    1

    Wednesday Feb 09, 2005

    Things are bad. Really bad. Really too long of a story to tell but su…
  • 02.09.05
    2

    Wednesday Feb 09, 2005

    Read More
  • 02.06.05
    2

    Monday Feb 07, 2005

    Cameron told me he went to breakfast with Lindsey the other day. They…
  • 02.06.05
    2

    Sunday Feb 06, 2005

    I am going to start at the beginning. which is the best place to star…
  • 02.05.05
    3

    Saturday Feb 05, 2005

    Okay - here is my rant for the evening. Explain to me how I can get t…
  • 02.04.05
    4

    Friday Feb 04, 2005

    Read More
  • 02.04.05
    0

    Friday Feb 04, 2005

    Well, work was okay. I was in the bar so I should have been busy but …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
5
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,597 SuicideGirls
  • 1,117,572 followers
  • 14,936,958 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,435,114 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo