Yeah. Well Happy New Year. I wonder how this one will differ from the last. School is going to get harder. Things are getting close to being done. I will be close to moving. Yet again I am tired. Didn't sleep as much as I needed to. Gonna work on that next week before I start back to work.
I am trying to find a place to move to. That is kinda scary. I hate moving. Cameron and I sat here last night for NYE and hung out. He scratched every part he could and I liked it. You know...there have been little things lately that he has said that put me on my guard as far as us goes. Once he came close to hitting my car and I said "Oh yeah, go ahead I need a new one" He said I don't know you well enough to give you a new car.
Okay - let that one slide. Then he mentioned something about a pre-nup. Neither one of us have anything right now. He might someday but damn - what a way to bring something like that up. My jaw about dropped to the floor. Again - let it slide.
Then last night he started talking about furniture that he wanted to buy for his house. Okay - where the fuck do I fit in here? It was all about his wants and how he wanted to decorate a house that we are supposed to both be living in. He talks about this stuff and I have to throw in - okay what about me. It kinda pissed me off. It's little things like that. I let them slide because I am still in whatever mode. I feel myself slipping into the complacancy and then he will say something and I put my guard back up. You know if we got marreid and it didn't work out by the time I realized that I would just want out. I would not give a shit about his stuff.
When I left my ex-husband I took what I came into the marriage with and what I needed for the boys and left. I didn't try and take shit from him that wasn't mine. I just wanted out. This is such a great way to start off a new year. I was thinking about taking the boys to the park today. I asked Cameron if he wanted to come and he said sure. I called him twice yesterday and he never answered the phone. If I am calling you then there is a reason. I don't call you anymore just to hear your voice or to tell you stupid shit. Hell, you really don't hear from me. Oh well, I am just really unhappy right now. All the shit I have been letting slide is coming back. I think it is the whole me moving and him not mentioning being with me thing. I am not bringing it up again. Is it so much to want to at least try living with the one you love. Apparently so. It's not easy for me to give up my space either but I am willing to try. We have been together for close to 2.5 years. Hell by the time his lease is up it will be closer to 3. I am just tired. Why can't he just tell me "Sarah I love you and want to give this a shot. I know it won't be easy but I am willing to try." Oh well, that would be way to easy and that would be what I want. I haven't been pressuring him in any way because I know he has a lot on his mind with the bar and such. I even offered my help. Don't know how I am going to find the time but I will.
It would just be nice to wake up and know that he is there. That I can smell him on our pillows any time I want. That there is more of an us than me and you. I would like to cook him breakfast when he gets home at 730am. We have been spending a lot of time together lately and it has been wonderful. Yeah we have gotten on each others nerves but all in all it has been great. And you know what is funny - if we lived together I know we would still see less of each other than we would if we were apart. It really isn't about that. I don't have to go up to the bar to see him if I will see him for a few moment when he gets home and I am leaving. I love that oy and just want to try. But he doesn't seem to give a shit or want to so I will keep all this to myself and once again - let it slide.
I should just market myself as a new children's toy - The Let It Slide - say whatever you want and know you won't get in trouble because you have a Let IT Slide.
I am trying to find a place to move to. That is kinda scary. I hate moving. Cameron and I sat here last night for NYE and hung out. He scratched every part he could and I liked it. You know...there have been little things lately that he has said that put me on my guard as far as us goes. Once he came close to hitting my car and I said "Oh yeah, go ahead I need a new one" He said I don't know you well enough to give you a new car.
Okay - let that one slide. Then he mentioned something about a pre-nup. Neither one of us have anything right now. He might someday but damn - what a way to bring something like that up. My jaw about dropped to the floor. Again - let it slide.
Then last night he started talking about furniture that he wanted to buy for his house. Okay - where the fuck do I fit in here? It was all about his wants and how he wanted to decorate a house that we are supposed to both be living in. He talks about this stuff and I have to throw in - okay what about me. It kinda pissed me off. It's little things like that. I let them slide because I am still in whatever mode. I feel myself slipping into the complacancy and then he will say something and I put my guard back up. You know if we got marreid and it didn't work out by the time I realized that I would just want out. I would not give a shit about his stuff.
When I left my ex-husband I took what I came into the marriage with and what I needed for the boys and left. I didn't try and take shit from him that wasn't mine. I just wanted out. This is such a great way to start off a new year. I was thinking about taking the boys to the park today. I asked Cameron if he wanted to come and he said sure. I called him twice yesterday and he never answered the phone. If I am calling you then there is a reason. I don't call you anymore just to hear your voice or to tell you stupid shit. Hell, you really don't hear from me. Oh well, I am just really unhappy right now. All the shit I have been letting slide is coming back. I think it is the whole me moving and him not mentioning being with me thing. I am not bringing it up again. Is it so much to want to at least try living with the one you love. Apparently so. It's not easy for me to give up my space either but I am willing to try. We have been together for close to 2.5 years. Hell by the time his lease is up it will be closer to 3. I am just tired. Why can't he just tell me "Sarah I love you and want to give this a shot. I know it won't be easy but I am willing to try." Oh well, that would be way to easy and that would be what I want. I haven't been pressuring him in any way because I know he has a lot on his mind with the bar and such. I even offered my help. Don't know how I am going to find the time but I will.
It would just be nice to wake up and know that he is there. That I can smell him on our pillows any time I want. That there is more of an us than me and you. I would like to cook him breakfast when he gets home at 730am. We have been spending a lot of time together lately and it has been wonderful. Yeah we have gotten on each others nerves but all in all it has been great. And you know what is funny - if we lived together I know we would still see less of each other than we would if we were apart. It really isn't about that. I don't have to go up to the bar to see him if I will see him for a few moment when he gets home and I am leaving. I love that oy and just want to try. But he doesn't seem to give a shit or want to so I will keep all this to myself and once again - let it slide.
I should just market myself as a new children's toy - The Let It Slide - say whatever you want and know you won't get in trouble because you have a Let IT Slide.