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whiteiris

The Black Hole

Member Since 2004

Followers 25 Following 15

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Thursday Nov 11, 2004

Nov 11, 2004
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I have been irked. If one could be so. Explain to me why he always takes her home when she has been drinking and she seems to call him to take her to her car the next day. I understand he doesn't want any of his friends driving drunk and I can repsect that but it seems that any time she gets drunk she has him take care of her.

I am not pissed just irked. Does she not have anyone else that she can call to take her to her car or drive her home? I like her so it's hard to get mad but dammit quit. I don't like it. I am not as jealous as I was because that would require something that I am not capabale of right now. I am just territorial right now. And even that is not the right word. Back up off my boyfriend. That is kinda the way I feel.

I believe him when he says there is nothing going on but maybe she does want something to go on.

And what the fuck was him telling me about him fucking some girl that he didn't know? What is the relevance to that? Was he trying to elicit some emotion from me? Yeah it's funny but I wouldn't tell him that. He already knows that I am having some issues with all the chicks hitting on him. Well, let me rephrase. He said he did not sleep with her but she says they did. He doesn't even know who she is and doesn't know her name.

I don't really feel insecure so I think these are just really residual emotions from before. I have been so insecure about us for so long that I don't know how else to be. I feel empty. I got some really good news today and I just felt numb. Like oh yeah great. Lucky me. I just don't care. I am broken. Severely broken.

I asked to not feel anything and that is what I got. I got so tired of hurting that I didn't care what other emotion I got as long as it wasn't hurt. Maybe this weekend will help. I hope so. Just dammit, if a guy is going to be mine then stop trying to take care of other girls. I should be the only one you need to worry about taking care of. Yes I am being selfish. I am allowed.

Do I even really mean anything I say? I am so lost and confused twisted and used. Yep, that's me.

WAIT WAIT I do want one thing I - a nice long bath. So it is said so shall it be done. After the chirruns are sleeping. It is me time. And school work time. I have got to get a leg up on that.

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