whiteiris

I got Jenna Jameson's book. I have never watched her flicks but have seen her in interviews and such. I have found that she is a really interesting person. So I bought her book and I am gonna read it.

It is still cold outside. Kinda nice - as long as you are inside. Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I really don't like Christmas time much....
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Hey - it's cold and raining outside. About damn time. It's December and fucking 85 outside. Just wanted to share that.

Well, we just got back from Florida. I was fucking freezing. The beach was beautiful and I got some really great pictures of the sun rising. I found out you cannot use a flash though. I have felt so bad for Cameron lately. His phone took 5 days to turn on - he laft both chargers in Florida - his CD player in his car...
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Just because you think things are okay - they never really are. There is something underneath everything that you see that will destroy what you are. It will always be that way but can you accept that?

Having sex without actually having sex is great. I had the best night Saturday night. Me, Cameron, and the couch. What more could a girl ask for? I felt very taken care of last night as well. It was really nice just the two of us here. I put up my Christmas tree and I was right in front of the TV and he didn't...
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I did not sleep well last night. I kept having dreams about the bar and Cameron. My sinuses are fucked up again. I want to put up my tree but I am a lazy bitch and I probably won't do it til next week.

I am tired of feeling the way I feel. So I won't anymore. Just like that. I wonder what he did...
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You know - I know that there are some things that I should just let go. I shouldn't hold on to bad memories. I should just let them fall off me like running water. They don't bother me as much - I suppose time has a factor in that.

I sit here with the boys and I wonder what my life will be when I...
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Saw Clint and Susy today. He wasn't going to work and he lied when he said he wasn't home. I told him the boys wanted to see him and he said he wasn't there but he was. He throws it up in my face that the boys don't stay with me but yet he never sees them either. He tries to play the good father...
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I got my paper done finally. I finished my BIO test. Finals are next week. My kids are driving me nuts and I hurt - a lot.

I have been so out of it for a while. I still hurt a little bit. I have a tendency to think I am okay and then I wear myself out. I am working on my paper now. I should get it done today. It is not really going to be 10 pages of text but with the title page and the works cited page...
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Still kinda dopey. There is nothing on TV. Grimace is supposed to come over and we watch a movie. Cameron said he is probably going to go home after work. He pulled a back muscle and can hardly walk. I had to tie his shoelaces.

I hurt. My sinuses are fucked up so I can't breathe all that well. I am kinda lonely. I think...
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Kinda doped up. Home now. Still doesn't feel like I am here. Nothing seems real. Cameron has been with me a lot. I love him so much.

Gonna go sleep. Will write more later. Getting kinda depressed now.