In My Last Breath…
(My final thoughts)
This is me, exposed, naked before your eyes. Emotionally open like never before. But unable to fully express who I am and how I feel the way I should, because I really couldn’t say it out loud. I would try to keep it to myself because I was afraid of how people would react. Later I found out that it was exactly what I should have been saying all along. Sometimes what you hold back, you just need to let go. By doing so, it saves me from going completely insane. But I can’t say I’m completely sane either. Love can make you that way.
I found myself pondering the metaphorical meaning of love. I remember how a kiss was like death. That when it was real, I felt like dying and reaching the spiritual level of it. It was a mortal man’s way of dying a million ways and living a million life times in one moment that felt like forever. I remember how a warm embrace can turn into a burning inferno of passion. I even remember how she was poison to my mind. Just thinking about her would drain me. Missing her would just bring such pain to me. That without her, I felt this coldness come over me, because she was my warmth. I got this feeling of going numb. Then suddenly I couldn’t breathe because I started to panic. It was like the plug to my life support just got pulled. I didn’t want to lose her.
I told you of my sacrifice. I gave my heart away, then my mind, body, and everything else. I am the jumper from the edge, the poison injecting, drug addicted, suffocating, going insane… third degree burn victim of love. I’m left baring the marks of a cutter. The scars are the storytellers. Each one is marked within my time line. The deeper the scar, the more emotional the story is.
But after all that I’ve been through, I’m afraid that I don’t know you like I should. But I do know this much. Even though every pain, pleasure, and emotion you feel, every thought, sacrifice, and “I love you” you give; love is suicide. And I must become your martyr in hopes to achieve my heart’s goal. I can only believe that the pain I have been through and any future pain to come, God is preparing me for a woman unlike any other.
Sincerely,
K. Heart
If you found this first please start here ..... Part 1
