Alright baby I'm a slave to the channel clicker like all of you other motherfuckers out there in la-la land. Yep, I caught a whiskey-drenched glimpse of the television phenom that is Law & Order. And you know what? It's like bathtub grade crank shot all the way up my fucking veins. I caught a back to back freak fest on TNT and I'm hooked. I got George Dzunda, Michael Moriarty, and Jerry Orbach coming out of my ass. What the fuck? I'm trying to keep the idiot box out of my life as much as humanly possible, but I lapsed. It's not fair. They caught me with my guard down and took advantage of me like a quaterback prom king and a drunken debutante. FOUL! FOUL! I cry foul! So you know what happens to crack addicts when the dealer runs out of the stuff??? You go to the fucking distributor like Tony Montana! So I go out and buy the entire First Fucking Season On Fucking Crystal Clear DVD!!! What a sad sad excuse for a human? "Not gonna be into work today boss, I've yet to tap into the third disk of season one." Put me in the shack in Montana with the Unabomer. I gotta shake this sickness cold turkey. Gimme some Throbbing Gristle, ephedra, and a bottle of Old Grandad and I'll wrestle this addiction down like a manic depressive Irish werewolf. RUN TO THE HILLS!!!!!! 
