whiskeyfightpit

Have you ever had your ass kicked by three Russian kickboxers in a pit of broken glass and barbed wire? No, this is not the groundwork for Jean Claude Van Damme's Bloodsport:The Revenge...it's how I spent last night. Usually, nothing can keep me from this site...except drinking. All I remeber is drinking Michelob Light and Amberbock like an assembly line and chasing ducks like a babbling Homer Simpson. Somehow a bottle of Robitussin got into the mix. All I know is that the partygoers were satisfied with my performance. Maybe it's some kind of psychological defect. I feel I have to perform for people so that they will like me and want to spend time with me. I should probably get that looked at or something. In the meantime, I'm tear-assing through any local bar that will have me. Plus I'm the bitch's bastard when it comes to Karaoke. I usually stick to like Roy Orbison or Rick Astley. You can't go wrong with ballads and blue eyed soul. And fuck any man who can't see the beauty in belting out HALL AND OATES' Rich Girl like there is no tomorrow. Oh well, I feel like shit from last night and I'm staying in to listen to a cd. An old friend of mine, who lives in Colombus, is in a band calles A MODEST PROPOSAL. It sounds jammy so far, but never let it be said that I'm not there for my friends. Still, I absolutely LOATHE the jam band college stereotype kid. You know, starts out in high school digging Dave Matthews. Then the college years begin and they get into OAR and Phish and Ekoostik Hookah. So they convince their monied parents to buy them a Jeep Grand Cherokee to travel to Widespread Panic shows and smoke handmade bongs. Seriously, I'm gonna explode even blueprinting the college jam band stoner fuck. I just wanna take 'em out back and give them some serious old time religion belt beatings. I don't like smelly noise rockers either. What? If you listen to Merzbow and The Locust you get a "get out of soap free" card?? Honestly, someone start throwing bones to the hopelessly clueless. I almost want to start a band to show people how it needs to be done. One who wishes to right the wrongs must first lay the tracks for an uprising. Anyway, I'm not going anywhere tonight. I feel like Jodie Foster in THE ACCUSED except without the vaginal damage. I'm probably gonna overdose on carbohydrates (aka order a pizza) and zone out to SPIRITUALIZED's "Ladies and Gentleman We Are Floating In Space" Maybe I could get the drunk cart barreling down the hill again like I did last night. Certainly there must be another pond with ducks and geese that are just itching to have a drunken circus geek chasing them around with a whiskey bottle. I heard those animals will bite though. Fuck em, I bite back. And you can fucking quote me on that!!!!


Soundtrack of the Day: RUMAH SAKIT "RUMAH SAKIT" I get reminded of a post rock flavored Rush and Pink Floyd clusterfuck. It's heavy right in the ass and thigh area. Plus, it sounds good when people with cowboy hats are in your store looking for Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. Honestly, how many fucking muffler repair men got married to that silly ass song. Where is the mercy of God?