Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

whatswrong

Member Since 2009

Followers 32 Following 30

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Thursday Oct 01, 2009

Oct 1, 2009
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
today

I work with Matt. amongst other things, Matt is a great big fat person. because of this he earned the clever nickname "Fat Matt". Matt has problems controlling his gut, hence he smells. he boasts about how he can fit a quarter in his nose and that when he was younger a urinary tract infection led to a sort of malformed "dick hole". imagine your stereotypical mama's boy who thinks his own farts are hysterical and chocolate milk shakes are the best thing since The Old Testament, and you'll have a good idea of what Matt is.

standing outside my car before work, Matt begins to talk about his new girlfriend, whom he met online. smoking my cigarette, im only listening because i'm waiting for the point where i get to laugh directly to his face. he continues to tell me it's there three week anniversary. i choke on smoke. i go through my head and maintain myself. furthermore, for there prestigious and often celebrated THREE WEEK anniversary, Matt and his darling girl are going out to the country to pick apples at an orchard.

*gun to mouth*

sweet mother of god. people do this sort of thing? it sounds like a fucking Hugh Grant movie without the British charm.

you know when somone says something outrageous and you say outloud "who says that?"....well....... who the fuck does that?

i can't wrap my mind around it, not any part of it. lets go through this really slowly...

1-Matt eating fruit or vegetables? bullshit. i've never seen him eat anything but pizza and some sort of Twinkie variation combined with gallons of Mountain Dew

2-Matt has a girlfriend?!

3-The time has come for apples to grow legs and run the fuck away. Godzilla is coming and with him he brings hell

4-Whos idea was this? did Matt's mom suggest this? was it the girl? what grade is she in? will her parents let her out past curfew?




VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
velvet_petal:
Lord, I hope I never get asked to go apple picking. Don't think I will as I am decidedly unagricultural, but if I do....you've spoiled it for me.
Oct 4, 2009
walkaway:
hahahaha! good lord, apple orchard, three week anniversary? i think i'd have popped a blood vessel listening to that. biggrin
Oct 13, 2009

More Blogs

  • 08.03.09
    6

    Monday Aug 03, 2009

    whats new? not much. a friend burnt down a pediactric doctors of…
  • 07.22.09
    7

    Wednesday Jul 22, 2009

    There's a local neighborhood most of us know as Scotland. If you liv…
  • 07.13.09
    1

    Monday Jul 13, 2009

    the countdown to pay day has started
  • 07.07.09
    4

    Wednesday Jul 08, 2009

    Pardon my ediquette, im drunk............To understand the situation …
  • 06.15.09
    6

    Monday Jun 15, 2009

    It's time again to move. the lease on this nearly condemned shit hol…
  • 05.16.09
    5

    Sunday May 17, 2009

    Read More
  • 05.14.09
    3

    Thursday May 14, 2009

    several weeks ago i got extremly drunk and did something extremly stu…
  • 05.07.09
    1

    Friday May 08, 2009

    This post was removed due to lack of interesting content. SG
  • 05.03.09
    1

    Sunday May 03, 2009

    i need a day off
  • 04.27.09
    7

    Monday Apr 27, 2009

    say something

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,598 SuicideGirls
  • 1,116,294 followers
  • 14,937,563 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,436,624 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo