whatsanalias

So what do you do?

I know what I want in a partner. I've seen it in someone. I've heard what she says is her potential with someone. I've seen hints of it. And I've seen herself open sides to others.

Its a trust issue and she points out various reasons.....didn't start out right, some things said in areas we both consider sacred, etc. I won't lie, I made my own mistakes in this, but there was a lot I wasn't told. There's blame on both sides.

I don't think she ever got to know me. She thinks the worst of every action it seems, But after 3 and 1/2 years, is it even possible to look at someone in a new light? To realize maybe you weren't seeing the whole truth all along. That mistakes can be just that....mistakes.

So yeah, I know every answer right now would be to walk away. First off why hasn't she? What keeps her holding on to me, especially when there's another guy waiting for her. Sure there's history and all with us and some feelings, but to hang on for 5 or more months? And why haven't I? Not like I don't have enough other crap going on in my life. Sure, I don't want it to be my decision, but I would except for one thing....

There's still that stupid little guiding voice in my life...you know the one that tells you if you're on the right path or not. Well when I met this girl, it said she's the one. Through the good and bad times, it hasn't wavered. And even now, it just keeps telling me to hold on. I don't see how she'll ever see me as different or forgive me. I feel like an idiot some days being led around by the nose. Others I wonder if I've just lost it. Still, I always have believed in something more. My life has had enough twists and turns, and that guide has always been right.

Just feel lost right now. Maybe nobody reads this or others might find it drivel, but I need to write what I feel. And hey, at this point, any thoughts are appreciated.