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Just when you think a day or two went well...

guh, missing a few things right now. I'm hoping now that I moved, I can find a place to fence here in Michigan with sabre fencers for once. I miss the adrenaline rush from it....the speed and power, along with the grace. I'm also supposed to go to see a DJ tonight but not totally...
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Life actually hasn't been bad lately. Just working on that one day at a time thing. Unfortunately realization is finally hitting that we should cancel the wedding plans. This could be a good thing though since it takes off the pressure of a looming date. Well best just not thinking about it right now. Anne and I have been ok, so I guess its just...
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well, what to make of life...

as usual the saga continues. Got it down to it just being a question of feelings for her....*sigh* me or him and somehow he's one she is sure they would just work out perfectly. Why am I never that guy? I guess though there's still enough feelings for me in all of this that she hasn't gone that way....
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So yeah, vacation....

Spent a week in Orlando with Anne. Actually nine days staying at Disney in a somewhat secluded room with only three of those days going to the trade show business side of me being there. The whole place was themed to New Orleans and we were in the bayou, with lots of trees and windy paths. This past month for me has...
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Whew, I needed a vacation and I actually got it!! Ok, a few up and down moments including having to lament a very nice wine glass, but it was something I needed to get out of me. We did things at our pace. Much more to be said, but got that work thing to do.
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Leaving tomorrow, and definitely in need of it. No clue what the deal is with the rest of life right now. Kinda in a pissed off mood this morning as I think of the bad crap. Here's hoping for something to happen to cheer me up.
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Ok, life is good.

Not totally expecting that. Then again, after I got stuff unpacked and this place started to feel like an actual place to live, that cheered me up immensely. It feels so much better to be here...can already feel a difference in my mood. Granted some of that could be just pure relief that I survived these past few weeks.

To top...
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beta:
do you go on vacation every week or something? biggrin
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Moving day. Have been waiting for this for years now. I can finally work from wherever I want to, and I love having that freedom. So if you see a U-Haul doing 120, that's me.

On the other side of things, it came out again that the biggest problem is anger still held for things that happened in mine and Anne's past, particularly over our...
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Back in Baltimore and ready to move. I got an earlier flight out of Tampa today which means I actually have a night to relax.

*sigh* relax....HAH. Yeah I'm back to pain over the current situation. Its getting to feel like damn decision time....me or him. From everything she has told me (yeah she tells me about him), I just cannot see how it would...
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beta:
oh honey, i had no idea she was trying to decide between you two...
that is a seriously shit situation to be in.
i can't exactly hate her for it because ive been in a similar mess but i do understand that it is not your place to allow her to decide your course of action.
if your heart is unhappy when it thinks about her...leave her. move to ann arbor and build anew. but make sure to build you first.
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I worked on a roller-coaster, river raft ride, looping pirate ship, and safari ride today. My life definitely is unusual at times. And you people trust me with your lives? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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So what to do at the moment. I talked for a bit on the phone last night...okie, maybe more than a bit since I hung up and then got a shower to go to work for the day. I've still got a bunch to do and wondering if I want to stay here or head somewhere comfortable to spend hours staring at my PC.

I'm...
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shit, I hurt today...just have no clue what to do or feel. Trying to give space and hold out until after our trade show in two weeks, but am really struggling. I would pick now to overload myself to the point of insanity. Just not good.
beta:
oh, honey.
have you been talking to anyone but this journal?
i hope there's someone to help you out .
frown