whatiwas

the bar is the bar, i want to go out and walk around in the rain like i did when i had no money and no future and wished i were dead most of the time.

but then i think of the sex i'd be giving up and i realize that life is little without someone warm to go home to, and that even the nobility of suffering can't replace actually having something to give a shit about.

i'm tired and i want to be out of this bar, i want to home and kiss and laugh and be fucking happy.