whatiwas

I suppose it's worth disclaiming that I'm only referring to women in this piece when I say "girl," and that my use of some rather derogatory slurs commonly used for females in this country is actually gender-neutral, more referring to ideas than people. Furthermore, my use of the word "girl" to imply woman is not intended to be a conscious expression of hegemonic influence; it's actually a quote from a song written by Rainer Maria frontwoman Caithlin De Marrais.

Also, the line "and niggas put a stop to your flow" initially read differently; I changed it because I believe some phrases simply aren't meant for certain forums and, although I didn't mean for it to be offensive, I would understand if other people interpreted it as such. I imagine anyone taking the time to read my drivel probably has a good idea of what's being said--I'm not that deep-- but, should any ambiguity arise, feel free to ask me for clarification on anything I say.

I end this preface with a formatting note--if your musical tastes in any way run parallel to mine, you might recognize some words and phrases here and there. In re-formatting this from its original incarnation on livejournal, I may have neglected to italicize "sampled" (quoted) passages. I'll check this entry later today to get them all taken care of.

i'll spit this as gone and zero, i go by any name and the shame is that this passion goes into a rhyme of the same iamb, i am not too proud, it seems, but while i look for a better monicker i'll pray that i can reach through your monitor with a gun and a hand grenade like clarence boddicker --"Bitches leave," and niggas put a stop to your flow, your words only bleed the weight of your influences and tell me only what you don't know, tell me something: what happens when you run out of causes to wave around, i've made a habit of fucking flags, especially when held by true believers with their heads in the stars completely fucking oblivious to their real being earthbound, i'd love to see the constellations in your colon but you've gone and wrecked 'em, i've got my gaze shoeward anyway--your precious sun is too bright--so just let me know when you perfect 'em and maybe i'll try to climb to your image of self but by then i'll be too tired to hear,

i once wanted to be so electric no one could ignore me,
there was a time i had so much to say,

and right about the time i got it all written down i realized i was the only motherfucker listening, i've always been an easy mark but really i found the humility liberating, my rhetoric is so second-year my hands are soft, more to the point i'm only claiming the moments and placing them in a better version of me, i see the girl who'll pick up where i leave off she's been licking her lips and her hands for the crusade, i've seen her sorting through my memories and trying desperately to pick at hairs like they were scabs, i ignored her because she wasn't worth the energy to hate and it's easier to see her self-satisfied than to allocate the disk space to give her what she needs,

drop the shit like it's a scream, cut something loud enough to cut and then you'll be what you think you are, i may be nothing but i'm seeking and i admire your discovery but not really,

your uniform does not impress me.