whatiwas

call it like it's a lantern, raise it up and shout like they taught you, hold it close and hold it for as long as you can and let it do what it wants to you, let it cut and sear and keep on remembering that, write it until you grind your teeth into powder, give it every name you can possibly imagine, let it be more you than anything else,

and in every second there is a second measure, this is a long-distance, this is a gulf no one can cross, this is a bridge with cross-winds that will rip the skin from your lies and blow your blows off-course, this doesn't hit home, this doesn't hit the targets, this only hits the tenses you can't kiss, if you're not nodding your head, you're not listening, if you're not nodding your head you don't care, if you're not nodding your head you don't really hear me, i wanna see all my heads dancing and sighing, what am i,

thinking they were doing something like wrestling, i threw the door open and saw they weren't fighting and i invented an excuse like i needed a drink of water, they knew i knew, they knew my name and knew everything i loved, they never trusted me either and that's why you know me now.

i'm sorry i never figured it out, but maybe i did and was just hoping you would just shut me up and tell me, because i was always here and waiting and hoping for you to do just that, and don't tell me you didn't see that because, amidst the stream of nothings there was always silence, there were moments longer than moments, real fucking lengths where i was just blank and there and waiting, and i just took your silence as turning to a page with words and pictures on it.

if i can borrow anything to call it, it would be what makes you a real lover?, and you can call me whatever you want, but i was burning and you just blew me out and the answer to that question is what i will always see you through

the days are back, the haze is back, the bliss has two backs and i guess i'm thinking of so many eyes that i forget which color goes with which, and there was more that goes here but i'm too scared to say it, because i'm going to shatter if i don't fucking re-ignite, and i don't want to do it by myself, even if i have to.

call it.