whatiwas

ha. wow. not naming names really cultivates ambiguity.

ha.

i hope no one read my last entry and thought i was dating echo.

ha.

oops.

no, the "her" jason told me to drop refers to someone else.

There was a certain passionless hollowness to Echo's kiss as she pressed her lips briefly to mine; under normal circumstances, the innocent expression would have been a comfort but, slouching my shoulders and bending my back awkwardly so as to not touch her with any part of my body other than my mouth, the gesture felt contrived, which made sense because it was, coming on...
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um, yeah. fuck valentine's day. fuck a lot of things.

woo-hah.

my back hurts.

why, man. shit. why.

fuck.

I haven't been especially forthcoming about the events that led up to what happens here, but it's affecting me enough that I have to post this here. It's long, and melodramatic, and oh-so-fucking annoying, but it's what happened on Monday night. So, if any of you actually care enough about this to want to ask questions about what led up to this, I would ask...
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it's all out.

i was standing in the kitchen, back twisted slightly so i could see my back in the mirror in the north bathroom, when my stomach twinged again, reminding me of yesterday, curled up and convulsing on the floor, hating my own sadness while relying upon others to save me from myself from hundreds of miles away.

the tears were fresh on my right cheek, real...
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i am miserable.

but the truth is I have no faith in happiness...
Antimo left the note on my desk, as promised, two names and addresses of places with phone numbers written with no punctuation, ten numbers all in a row, and I stared at the paper, three-and-a-half by five inches and microns thin and, all the while, so fucking heavy.

The truth is I'm scared. I haven't...
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a little bit of emma, a little bit of charles.

i have a lover; after further review, all drugged-out stepsisters were left to rot in their own blissful nothingness. i have a lover, i have a love; i ruined something i shouldn't have, i have a lover, i have a love, i have something; i'm sleeping alone while promises, the innocuous kind, fall to the...
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i haven't been kissed, properly kissed, in a while, something like weeks, i know it's two at most but it's still far too long when i feel like this, curious and exploring heart and body. i'm exercising again, soon to slash my food intake, hoping my body will burn the little excess fat i have. it's been a while since i've been skinny, i've grown...
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