whatiwas

long, rambling, not-well-written, and naming names. sorry. skip if you want. you probably better.

(What makes Melanie interesting to me is that she's so assuming, almost (and probably definitely) pretentious and seemingly nave. I have to know how she exists thinking the way she does.)

i started a song once with the words "there is nothing interesting about me; with that said, i'd like to...
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sometimes when people ask if i'm jamaican, i like to pretend they're asking because i have two jobs and not because they want to be able to buy weed from me.

time is weird.

this circling shit has got to stop, i don't want to discredit myself but it warrants mentioning that i'm unwilling to wholly pour myself into the complaint, i'm scared enough of times mimicking scavengers but i've realized all material is byproduct anyway, stop this circling shit has got to, i didn't say it with stretched voice parroting angels and flapping equally weak, to stop this...
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i am exhausted. other than that, not much else to report.

i must listen to snow patrol.

i must always listen to snow patrol.

the weight of my dinner and the levity of what happened next made yesterday an overall success.

standtheredon'tmovedon'tchangestandtheredon'tmovedon'tchangestandtheredon'tmovedon'tchange.

i got real fucking mad saturday night. i said a bunch of shit on my livejournal that i don't really mean, used an epithet i don't really like using when referring to women and i feel guilty. but i'm keeping it on the page, because i said it, and i can't sugarcoat myself there, at least not consciously.

so i got mad. really fucking mad.

if the noise goes away when i imagine you aren't there, i can take the reality for just a little while longer until it stops feeling good, you can make pretend and i'll believe everything is fine, once was enough, right? the cuts start shrieking and i'm kept closed, i used to be outspoken, only in words i can disengage from, you can believe this,...
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They're starting to recognize me at Magic Gardens, something I'd never have expected in days past and yet, now comes as a relief. I'm beginning to default there now, the comfortable lights and windowless walls more relaxing than a lot of places, save for the Boiler Room, inexplicably still the home it always was.

Viva was dancing and was in a noticably chipper mood upon...
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I was gone because my wireless card stopped working. I was pissed (I had only used it for one day) until I realized there were simply a couple prongs in my cardbus slot thing that were bent in a way that would prevent the card from being recognized. So I bent the fuckers back in shape.

And now my wireless card works again.

I got...
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The hirvimukki (is that spelled right? I forget the Finnish words sometimes) makes the coffee go down quicker, but in smaller doses, so I consider it safe enough to take one cupful every few days or so.

I'd kicked coffee out of the diet for as long as a week and half, but stress and the need for something to make the day pass quicker...
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