whatisthelight

Well... time for a journal update. I recently got my computer hooked back up and I'm settling into my temporary residence here at the Institute . I have been feeling sick this last week but I'm going to be getting out of the house for a little while tonight to see some folks that I know play. The last few days have also seen a black cloud expanding in my mind and accumulating over my head. All I really want to say about that right now is that I am grateful for the friends that I currently have. I don't really have a family anymore and many people that I used to consider friends have just become people that I used to know. I want my good SG friends to know that I love them. I hope that I do not say things that scare them and the last thing I want to do is burden anybody or push them away with thoughts and feelings I might be having right now because I know everybody is going through some rough and uncertain times. Because of my fears of losing more people in my life I am in the process of seeking some professional help to try to work through my confusion, my issues and hopefully help to get myself back together. In the meantime I keep saying that things are going to get better. I believe that they are, I know they are. I want to get through this because there are new beginnings in my life that are either happening right now or about to happen in the near future and I want to be ready for them. I want to be able to be mentally present to help them grow. I don't want to have some amazing things that I see so much potential in slip through my hands because I'm not able to be myself and can't keep my mind together. It is not always going to be like this I promise, I swear. Like I said I am actively seeking solutions to my problems. Thank you again to my friends for all that you are and all that you do. It means so much to me right now and even though I am hurting inside know that I am here for you as well.