Saturday Jan 21, 2006

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fuck, sonuvabitch!

i had to bail on bowling night. no tengo dinero. i mean, absolutly none. i have about $750 worth of bills that are due and i have -$198 in my bank account. i'm completely and utterly fucked. i really, REALLY wanted to be there... i was soooooooooo stoked about the possibility of making new friends n all that ish... now i just look like a flake. life is dealing me shitty hand after shitty hand and there's not one thing that i can do about it.

i really hate myself right now.

instead, i had to sit in my tiny, shithole apartment and study for finals. i am SO FUCKING SICK of reading these stupid books. i seriously cannot wait to be done with this shit. and everyone keeps saying, "this is the fun part! enjoy not having a career! it only gets worse!"

bullfuckingshit...

how the fuck can you sit there and tell me that? how can working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week be WORSE than going to school 6 hours a day (5 days a week) working 6 hours a night (4-6 days a week)??? someone explain this to me... oh, cuz i'm still young? newsflash: i'll be 23 when my career begins... if thats old, fucking kill me right now...

can you tell that i'm frustrated? mad

i need to calm down. i'm so irrate that i'm beginning to sense shooting pains down my back. im taking a cold shower right after this post...

people. do me a favor. please, treasure every moment of happiness that you come across. it's a blessing that some of us rarely have the pleasure of having. don't get me wrong, i'm not making this personal and saying my life is complete shit. i'm well aware that, normally, i live the good, easy life... maybe that's why i take happiness for granted. i think that for the longest time, i've felt that i should always be happy, when i know that's just not the case... i dont even know if i'm making sense anymore, and honestly, i dont care. i'm too *blah* to continue... shower, here i come.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
dying_incyde:
i started college when i was 18, and my back fucked up really bad just a term into it. so i have a little experience of what it's like. not as much as you obviously. but i was living in a shitty ass apartment with my psycho ex- sister in law and 2 nephews. i was getting like no sleep because she'd stay up watching tv and movies all night because she didn't work and wanted to live off of welfare. i lived in a fucked up neighborhood. i went to school and busted my ass on home work, i got all a's and b's except this one asshole teacher i had who would give me a's and b's on most of my work, then i think i pissed him off one day and he started giving me d's and f's... well fuck me for having an opinion to share... just because he didn't want to admit he was wrong about something, he has to flunk me. *sorry, i just got pissed off and started ranting* i caught myself though. but anyways, my point was... all the crap i was going through at home, i couldn't wait to get up in the morning and go to school, because it was a way to get the hell away from it all. and now i know when i go back, i won't take that asshole's class. and i'll probably get a lot better grade than i would've if i finished it. except i'm just starting school, and i'll be 24 in july... so i'll probably be 26 when i finish. damn, that just made me feel retarded. anyways, it's never too late. i'd rather start late, than be stuck at retarded jobs i hate for the rest of my life. making like no fucking money. even when i made decent money and worked like 60 hours a week, i'd only take home 800- 900 every couple weeks. i'd rather work 30-40 hours a week on salary and take home 3,000 a month smile so i know how much it sucks, but try to think of the good things it does for you. and it's not forever, just a couple years out of your life... that's not much

hope you feel better kiss
nexttuesday:
i hope you are well sweet boy... kiss

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