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So things are always so crazy....

I really dont do much of anything, yet it seems my life is chaotic. I swear I should document most of this stuff and put it into a box, label it fiction and see what comes to be. Speaking of I really need to go through all the things I have written and organize them and send them out to possible publishers, I just tend to get so too self concious about them, cause of how personal they are...I also still need to write that concept album.

So about what's been going on....

I have some one totally special in my life and she makes me smile. Its almost painfully cute how well this union has come to be, but I wouldnt really want it any other way. So we been only seeing each other for a couple weeks now (we cant remember the actually day) which sucks in a way. It's just I can actualy tell that I have grown up when it comes to my approach to dating and relationships. I decided to be up front with her about the gender idenity stuff,despite her religous backgrounds, (she works at two churchs, one being the one I used to attend with myfamily) which actually got taken well beyond what I could of imagined her ever doing, but I will get to that later. So its just like we really kind of mesh well cause I always loved the ide of faith and here was this girl who not only has a spirtual idles but dosnt mine me as a girl. So thats been really positive and encouraging to have some one who is going to be going through this with me.

Which brings up what's going on with well lets just use the term "transition" - cause I am sort of outside the box so the terms will be slightly skewed. I dont plan to do full SRS, but I do know what I want as far the as "changes" go, which always gets me sort of looked down on in the community. I wont go into how they like to tell other trans girls how to go about there situation. So I started doing more research into hormones, and decided that I am still young enough that these could be really helpful at this point in my life. So I talked it over with Suzanne and I woke up the next day and found out she had ordered them for me via online. Dont worry alot of girls go this route and use the same site we did. So its just mind blowing to do that any day now I could be starting to make myself more how I see myself. We are going to do this very methodically and take messurements and even mointor the levels when we can, and though its probably not the best way to do this its the one I feel the most comfortable and ready to do. I just hope some of the transgender community can put down their judgements and maybe offer a hand still if I need it, before casting stones.

Another new thing thats happen is that I always am sort of sad that I never have any trans friends my age or on my side of down. Well thats a thing of the past cause I finally got to meet one who is like amazingly cool. I mean within the community alot of strive to be the idle girlie girl, and there are very few of us that sort of say we can still be girls but listen to Iced Earth, rock tote bags, and converse. We dont need heels all the time or to like the magazines. Which is what I love about this site, it captures that same motto. So I met her and we made plans for that night to hang out, but my drag friends are like are you comming out tonight so I extended the invite on and we totally had a blast and she got to be more connected to the scene. So now I have some one to hang out with that is going through the same stuff.

So with all these things going on they form a pretty interesting future a head of me. I just need to get my curves on so I can start modeling pin up lol. That has become like a super big goal for me is to see if I can really transform myself enough that I can be a rockabilly, punk rock pin up princess, and like actually pass.