weston

A Note From the Editor

We wont be able to cure you. We can only try to get you to have more good days than bad days.

Got Me Thinking Bout Better Dayz

But were failing docWere failing.

One of my doctors was the person who said that to me. As hard as my mind may try, I cant change reality. Ill never be a completely healthy person, few people are. My only hope is that one dayOne dayIll have more good days than bad days.

But that time in my life is not now.

Ive had a sinus infection for over four weeks now. In that period, I only had three or four days where things seemed to have cleared up. But since then, the infection has grown stronger. The pressure in my sinus is so great that it has started to affect my ear canal. My ears are constantly popping, and I am constantly trying to re-pressurize them.

Im on a new dose of antibiotic, or rather, I should say I am on a new double dose of antibiotics. Fourteen days, the normal period is five days. Im so tired of taking medication. Every morning and every night I pump myself full of who knows what, just so I can have some relief from the pain and sickness. And the relief I feel is marginal at this point. I am a living pharmacy, and I hate it.

I Know Theres Gotta be Something Kicking Your Bruises

Theres always something making it worse isnt there?

Wednesday night I had just about the most depressing dream ever. I was falling or sinkingI couldnt tell. I just knew I was going down. The further I went, the darker it got. It was strangeI was with my friends, and then that image blurred, and I started to fall, and the blurred image of my friends was consumed by the darkest of shadows. There was nothing around me except a suffocating darkness.

I just kept falling, and falling, and once the darkness had completely blocked out the image of my friends, it turned its attention to me. It slowly crept over my body until and I couldnt even see myself.

You always hear in these stories about a light. Some force, a person or a love or something, that lifts the storyteller out of the darkness; that saves them. Well in my dream, there was none.

All I could see was black. And that was the last image I remember.

Soundtrack to My Life

Have you ever listened to a song and heard some random word or phrase that just stuck out to you? Ive noticed that happening lately. So, I decided to start listening through my playlist and writing down some of the lines that my ears picked up. Heres 0 (Zero)-A

They should have shot me when I born, now Im caught in the mother fucking storm 2pac

Disconnect and self-destruct one bullet at a time. Whats your rush now? Everyone will have his day to die A Perfect Circle

All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way Aesop Rock

You can dream a little dream, or you can live a little dream. Id rather live it cause dreamers always chase and never get it Aesop Rock

Most of this garbage that I write that people seem to like is about you and how I let you infect my life Atmosphere

I live life like the captain of a sinking ship Atmosphere

Nobody sees tears when youre standing in the storm Atmosphere

Sunset, sailboat, set course for hell Atmosphere

It might have been witchcraft that made my noose fit bad Atmosphere

Im returning this Bleeding Hearts Club membership cause I want no mother fucking part of it Atmosphere

The Art Scene

Im drawing a Wonder Woman pin up. Or rather, I should say Im drawing my version of Wonder Woman. Apparently it is my version due to the fact that I cant create voluptuous women on demandIm still learning anatomy and all that good stuff. Anyway, I dont think many high flying, crime fighting, heroines would want to lug around watermelons anyway. You can still be sexy and not have an hourglass body. So there, that is my excuse lol

Im still doing the pencils right now, but hopefully Ill start inking later tonight and be able to show off the piece by my next update

The Wrap-Up

So I feel like I am lost at a fork in the road. Ill take a few steps down one path then turn around and try the other path. What I mean is that I keep falling into these fits of depression and suicidal thoughts. Ill be doing nothing, and some image of me killing myself will pop into my head. And I think that itd be so easy to go that way, and even more frightening, I think that I want to go that way.

Then some little voice kicks up after a few days, and I try to think of how lucky I am, and how much I want to move on and continue with my life. Then some event happens, and I head back to the other roadThe cycle just keeps going and going, and each time I walk a little further down the road.

I need some guidance. Some kind soul to convince me which is the correct path to take.

Anyway, enough about that. To go completely off topic, I am addicted to Naruto right now. Just as long as I dont give in and buy one of those headbands I hate so much, I think I should be fine. Going to get a bigger HD this weekend so I can continue downloading the episodes lol. I have two 60gig HDs in this comp and they are both dangerously low on space

Well, that should just about do it for this post. I hope you all are doing great. Have a good weekend!

-Weston

Current Mood: Confused and lost
Currently Listening to: "War OutKast (Big Boi)
Currently watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Suckimus Maximus, or [p]X | Beware the Kha'ak), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl or =PXConqueror=), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
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