A Note From the Editor
Change is good, even if it is small.
Room Modifications
So, I did a bit of redecorating of my room the other day. It is all part of the slow process of cleaning my room. Anyway, I finally got around to hanging up the prints I bought at last years Comic Con, and I must say, they are looking sexy. It is too bad Aaron Brothers messed up one of the jobs and covered up a signature, but Im still pleased with how everything looks. They also forgot to add a wire to one of the backs, so I only have two of the three up on the walls; the last one should be up later today or tomorrow.
As mentioned above, a little change can do a person good. My plans were stalled due to a recent bout with that prolonged sinus infection. But I seem to finally be getting a little better, so I am starting the changes again, this time on a smaller scale. I got the new haircut/hairstyle mentioned in last update, and this time, it was changing my room around a bit. Little things that end up making me feel better.
I Wouldnt Last One Day Without Music
Its true. I cant even remember the last day I went without listening to musicHell Ive gotten to a point where I cant fall asleep if I dont have my headphones one. Definitely not a great thing for my ears, but what can I say? Music is my soulI get lost in music and it calms me down. Whether I am listening to some R&B to try and relax or listening to some Rock to try to work out my aggression, or anything else in between, music is what keeps me sane.
I recently filled up my iPod, which sucks. Well over 4,000 songs on it, and plenty more wanting to get on. Unfortunately, I had to start deleting some things to make room for other songsI have a lot of cleaning to do. Im addicted, plain and simple. Music is my poison.
I actually bought some new CDs. Yes, you heard right. I acquired music legally lol. Mom dragged me out to Best Buy and I ended up getting St. Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley, Show Your Bones by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Are You Nervous by Rock Kills Kids, and Louder Now by Taking Back Sunday.
In other music news, my friend and I realized that just about every rap song on the radio has the same basic beat. We were sitting in his car waiting for our food and he was able to do the exact same dance to like four songs in a row; every time on count.
A Strange Mix of Emotions
My depression is coupled with angerIll cut my wrists after I cut your throat bitch!
Yes, I really did say that. At which point my friend deducted that I had lost my mind. I dont know why, but recently, whenever I feel down and go through these phases of depression, I also get pissed off. Ive lost count of all the violent thoughts and things Ive said this timeI know Ive told more than a few people to go die in a fire.
Maybe Im tired of accepting things and just want to lash back at the world when it is against me.
Falling Straight to Hell
I cant understand how a person could willingly fall so far from grace. Every time I think she has hit rock bottom, she falls lower yet. At this rate, she is going to fall straight into the depths of hell.
In case you havent guessed it by now, I am talking about my sister. I really do need to find a new word to describe herShe is no longer my sisterNo, my sister died a year agoThis person I do not know, nor do I want anything to do with her.
So, remember the good news I had about my sister not too long ago? About her going to Texas for a bit? Well, she still managed to create drama for us, despite being in an entirely different state.
As it turns out, she is pregnant.
Every time I think her situation cant get worse, it does. And guess who got dragged into the middle of this whole situation? Thats right, us.
You see, her ex-husband (Although not officially divorced I think) took her off his insurance in December. Which is good for him, he is an extremely nice guy and doesnt deserve all this drama, and shouldnt have to pay for her choices anymore. Anyway, because she has no insurance, we are going to have to fork over half of the bill, which is going to come out to $325.
What are we paying for you ask? An abortion. Call us murderers, call us whatever you want, but this child can simply not come into the world for numerous reasons.
Firstly, even when my sister was sane, she had horrible luck with her health, so I doubt she is in a good enough physical condition for childbirth. Furthermore, if memory serves correctly, one of her doctors told her a while ago that it would be best if she never had children again.
Secondly, my sister cant even look after herself at this point. There is no way she could raise a child, and we certainly cant take over that duty. There is the option of adoption, but I dont think our family could hold onto that secret. Besides, stories like that always get out, and we have to think of her other children.
Thirdly, as mentioned above, we have the futures of my niece and nephew to think of. They already have issues as a result of this whole ordeal, and the last thing we need is to fuck them up even more. Can you imagine what would happen if they found out? My mom couldnt take care of me, but she could have a baby? Things like that are definitely not needed.
What makes this situation worse is the way that we believe she was impregnated. She claims she knows who the father is, but that person makes no sense at all. However, there are things that she has said in the past, and things that my brother realized that point to a much more believable situation; a situation that I cannot bring myself to say. I am disgusted by it, and the very thought of it degrades me as a person, making me feel like dirt and trash. No, I will not say it, although I am sure that many of you can guess at what it was.
Life Just Wouldnt be Normal if I was Healthy
I had yet another nosebleed last night. That brings my total up to six this year, including three in a span of a little more than a month, an incredible amount considering that I had never previously had a nosebleed in my life.
I was experiencing acid reflux (Which I developed shortly after my diagnosis) and woke up at around 2:30 in the morning. As soon as I sat up in bed, I felt blood dripping down my nostril. Fortunately, I had either caught the tail end of the nosebleed, or had caught it as it just started because I was able to stop the flow rather quickly. The scary part of the situation (Aside for the nosebleed itself) is that for the first time since these bleedings have started, I became lightheaded, dizzy, and nauseated.
So, I ended up sitting in our sick chair, as weve come to call it, for about an hour. And during this period, a mosquito bit me a total of three times. I just cant catch a break can I?
I ended up going back to my bed and falling asleep sitting up, at which point I must have experienced another nosebleed because I woke up to a mouth and nose full of old blood. It was horribleI blew my nose and it looked like I had been sniffing tar or something. What I blew out was just black and nasty. I apologize for the disgusting subject matter, but I like people to know what I go through, lol
The Art Scene
My interest in photography has returned. Ive been reading some beginner guides to buying a camera, selling prints, etc. lately, and photography is a hobby Id like to pick up. Why oh why did I have to become interested in such an expensive hobby? Getting a decent camera, even just a beginners camera, can be incredibly expensive, especially for someone with no job lol.
So, Ive been using my dads camera, which will just have to do for now. I took some photos of some roses in our backyard yesterday. They are the first ones of the year, and sadly, I must admit they arent very pretty right now lol. Anyway, I ended up with four photos I liked (Note-Click the images for a bigger picture):
White Rose Series 1
White Rose Series 2
White Rose Series 3
White Rose Series 4
A Much Needed Break
In case I dont update again, we are going on vacation this upcoming week. We will be taking a couple days to drive up to San Francisco, stay there for a few days, and then make our way back home. Nothing too special, but it will be nice to get my mind off of things for a week or so. Weve been there before, but my mom was ill and didnt get to enjoy it, so hopefully this time everything will work out. Ill be sure to take some photos for you all.
The Wrap-Up
I feel horrible right now. Im still concerned about all the things going on with my health, currently and as a whole. I am looking forward to the vacation because I really need a break from all this stress, depression, and everything else.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so lets hope he can find out why I am having nosebleeds this time around. Wish me luck!
Take care all, and have a great weekend.
-Weston
Current Mood: Sick and scared
Currently Listening to: "Supernatural" - Flyleaf
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Suckimus Maximus, or [p]X | Beware the Khaak), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl or =PXConqueror=), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: 1984 by George Orwell
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
Change is good, even if it is small.
Room Modifications
So, I did a bit of redecorating of my room the other day. It is all part of the slow process of cleaning my room. Anyway, I finally got around to hanging up the prints I bought at last years Comic Con, and I must say, they are looking sexy. It is too bad Aaron Brothers messed up one of the jobs and covered up a signature, but Im still pleased with how everything looks. They also forgot to add a wire to one of the backs, so I only have two of the three up on the walls; the last one should be up later today or tomorrow.
As mentioned above, a little change can do a person good. My plans were stalled due to a recent bout with that prolonged sinus infection. But I seem to finally be getting a little better, so I am starting the changes again, this time on a smaller scale. I got the new haircut/hairstyle mentioned in last update, and this time, it was changing my room around a bit. Little things that end up making me feel better.
I Wouldnt Last One Day Without Music
Its true. I cant even remember the last day I went without listening to musicHell Ive gotten to a point where I cant fall asleep if I dont have my headphones one. Definitely not a great thing for my ears, but what can I say? Music is my soulI get lost in music and it calms me down. Whether I am listening to some R&B to try and relax or listening to some Rock to try to work out my aggression, or anything else in between, music is what keeps me sane.
I recently filled up my iPod, which sucks. Well over 4,000 songs on it, and plenty more wanting to get on. Unfortunately, I had to start deleting some things to make room for other songsI have a lot of cleaning to do. Im addicted, plain and simple. Music is my poison.
I actually bought some new CDs. Yes, you heard right. I acquired music legally lol. Mom dragged me out to Best Buy and I ended up getting St. Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley, Show Your Bones by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Are You Nervous by Rock Kills Kids, and Louder Now by Taking Back Sunday.
In other music news, my friend and I realized that just about every rap song on the radio has the same basic beat. We were sitting in his car waiting for our food and he was able to do the exact same dance to like four songs in a row; every time on count.
A Strange Mix of Emotions
My depression is coupled with angerIll cut my wrists after I cut your throat bitch!
Yes, I really did say that. At which point my friend deducted that I had lost my mind. I dont know why, but recently, whenever I feel down and go through these phases of depression, I also get pissed off. Ive lost count of all the violent thoughts and things Ive said this timeI know Ive told more than a few people to go die in a fire.
Maybe Im tired of accepting things and just want to lash back at the world when it is against me.
Falling Straight to Hell
I cant understand how a person could willingly fall so far from grace. Every time I think she has hit rock bottom, she falls lower yet. At this rate, she is going to fall straight into the depths of hell.
In case you havent guessed it by now, I am talking about my sister. I really do need to find a new word to describe herShe is no longer my sisterNo, my sister died a year agoThis person I do not know, nor do I want anything to do with her.
So, remember the good news I had about my sister not too long ago? About her going to Texas for a bit? Well, she still managed to create drama for us, despite being in an entirely different state.
As it turns out, she is pregnant.
Every time I think her situation cant get worse, it does. And guess who got dragged into the middle of this whole situation? Thats right, us.
You see, her ex-husband (Although not officially divorced I think) took her off his insurance in December. Which is good for him, he is an extremely nice guy and doesnt deserve all this drama, and shouldnt have to pay for her choices anymore. Anyway, because she has no insurance, we are going to have to fork over half of the bill, which is going to come out to $325.
What are we paying for you ask? An abortion. Call us murderers, call us whatever you want, but this child can simply not come into the world for numerous reasons.
Firstly, even when my sister was sane, she had horrible luck with her health, so I doubt she is in a good enough physical condition for childbirth. Furthermore, if memory serves correctly, one of her doctors told her a while ago that it would be best if she never had children again.
Secondly, my sister cant even look after herself at this point. There is no way she could raise a child, and we certainly cant take over that duty. There is the option of adoption, but I dont think our family could hold onto that secret. Besides, stories like that always get out, and we have to think of her other children.
Thirdly, as mentioned above, we have the futures of my niece and nephew to think of. They already have issues as a result of this whole ordeal, and the last thing we need is to fuck them up even more. Can you imagine what would happen if they found out? My mom couldnt take care of me, but she could have a baby? Things like that are definitely not needed.
What makes this situation worse is the way that we believe she was impregnated. She claims she knows who the father is, but that person makes no sense at all. However, there are things that she has said in the past, and things that my brother realized that point to a much more believable situation; a situation that I cannot bring myself to say. I am disgusted by it, and the very thought of it degrades me as a person, making me feel like dirt and trash. No, I will not say it, although I am sure that many of you can guess at what it was.
Life Just Wouldnt be Normal if I was Healthy
I had yet another nosebleed last night. That brings my total up to six this year, including three in a span of a little more than a month, an incredible amount considering that I had never previously had a nosebleed in my life.
I was experiencing acid reflux (Which I developed shortly after my diagnosis) and woke up at around 2:30 in the morning. As soon as I sat up in bed, I felt blood dripping down my nostril. Fortunately, I had either caught the tail end of the nosebleed, or had caught it as it just started because I was able to stop the flow rather quickly. The scary part of the situation (Aside for the nosebleed itself) is that for the first time since these bleedings have started, I became lightheaded, dizzy, and nauseated.
So, I ended up sitting in our sick chair, as weve come to call it, for about an hour. And during this period, a mosquito bit me a total of three times. I just cant catch a break can I?
I ended up going back to my bed and falling asleep sitting up, at which point I must have experienced another nosebleed because I woke up to a mouth and nose full of old blood. It was horribleI blew my nose and it looked like I had been sniffing tar or something. What I blew out was just black and nasty. I apologize for the disgusting subject matter, but I like people to know what I go through, lol
The Art Scene
My interest in photography has returned. Ive been reading some beginner guides to buying a camera, selling prints, etc. lately, and photography is a hobby Id like to pick up. Why oh why did I have to become interested in such an expensive hobby? Getting a decent camera, even just a beginners camera, can be incredibly expensive, especially for someone with no job lol.
So, Ive been using my dads camera, which will just have to do for now. I took some photos of some roses in our backyard yesterday. They are the first ones of the year, and sadly, I must admit they arent very pretty right now lol. Anyway, I ended up with four photos I liked (Note-Click the images for a bigger picture):
White Rose Series 1
White Rose Series 2
White Rose Series 3
White Rose Series 4
A Much Needed Break
In case I dont update again, we are going on vacation this upcoming week. We will be taking a couple days to drive up to San Francisco, stay there for a few days, and then make our way back home. Nothing too special, but it will be nice to get my mind off of things for a week or so. Weve been there before, but my mom was ill and didnt get to enjoy it, so hopefully this time everything will work out. Ill be sure to take some photos for you all.
The Wrap-Up
I feel horrible right now. Im still concerned about all the things going on with my health, currently and as a whole. I am looking forward to the vacation because I really need a break from all this stress, depression, and everything else.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, so lets hope he can find out why I am having nosebleeds this time around. Wish me luck!
Take care all, and have a great weekend.
-Weston
Current Mood: Sick and scared
Currently Listening to: "Supernatural" - Flyleaf
Currently Watching: Well, not quite "currently watching," but I can't get enough of: Smallville, Miami Ink, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Made, True Life
Currently Playing: Counter-Strike: Source ([p]X | Phoenix, [p]X | Suckimus Maximus, or [p]X | Beware the Khaak), World of Warcraft (PXAnime on Kel'Thuzad, Sandtiger on Akama), Battlefield 2 (=Superman=KalEl or =PXConqueror=), Warcraft III (PX_Conqueror)
Currently Reading: 1984 by George Orwell
Sites: Art MySpace Xanga SuicideGirls
GaiaOnline Last.FM
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
I am doing well. Just super busy (what else is new). I have a huge audition coming up on Tuesday, that I really hope I snag. So, keep your fingers crossed for me and I will deff. let you know how it turns out!
How are you doing? I hope that you are feeling better!