weston

And now, I give you the reality of the situation. We received a call late last night from the doctor. Do you know what they said? That there had been no improvement, meaning that I will have to go through with the procedure. So I went through two-months of constantly being tired and lethargic, not having an appetite, losing ten-pounds of muscle, having my chest swell, etc, and feeling like complete and utter shit for absolutely nothing. Thanks life.

So, the hope of finally being better and having something good happen to me was ripped away from me last night. I have nothing left to offer...There just isnt anything else left that can keep me running. To be clich, there isn't anything left in the tank, and I was kicked when I was down. My outlook on life and dreams of the future look dimmer than ever now.

Should there be a God, when I die, I'm going to punch him in the face. There is nothing that I have done that is deserving of this suffering. I have battled for over two years now. I have nothing left. My will is broken, my soul lies in ruins, and I can't become a better person from this experience.

And yea, I am well aware that it could be worse, I mean, thank goodness it isn't cancerous. But that makes it all the worse. This isn't life threatening, I should be able to overcome it. Why the fuck am I unable to? The feeling of being completely weak and helpless in this situation hurts the most...

So with that, I say, fuck whatever runs the universe, be it God or any other supernatural entity, fuck fate, fuck destiny, fuck luck, fuck the world, and fuck life.

The Good

The following was also written yesterday, when I still had hope...

With that being said, I can now talk "normally." Everyone has a picture journal right? Well, I might as well continue the trend. And so, I give to you, a glimpse of the good times during these past couple of years.

I don't think this is a good place to stand...


Apparently he doesn't enjoy photos


At 6'2, my dad played the role of "David"


The result of boredom while driving through a Seattle tunnel


More boredom in the parking lot of our hotel in Seattle


I don't even remember where this was...But it looks cool ;p


Still can't remember, but it looks lovely


A sad, but lovely stone


The apple doesn't fall far from the tree


Same cemetery...Not sure who this belongs to


We just thought this plant looked neat


Man, I have a bad memory...Can't remember where this is, but I thought it was cool to see this tiny little house in the middle of all these much, much, much taller buildings


So, I think this pic and the one before it are from Canada...Oh well


From the Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


Butchart Gardens


The last from the Butchart Gardens


Once again, I can't remember where this is...I'll try to find out later and re-update the info for you guys


Location Unknown, but the holes the wind had carved in these rocks were big enough to climb into


Here's my dad getting adventurous


Yes, that's my brother, and yes, that's a piata he's trying to hit


Bike Show


Bike Show


My favorite bike of the show


Favorite bike


Why this bike kicks so much ass


A close second


This is a shirt my friend made, so of course I have to pimp it


I'm easily distracted by lights


Lights-2 Me-0


Hey! Look at that good looking guy! Taken right before my Senior Project Speech


Comic Con, Corpse Bride display, and sadly, my most viewed upload on my Deviant Art page...Thanks pop culture!


Comic Con, I wouldn't want to mess with him


First time making tamales ;p


Me handing out the gifts on Christmas morning...Still half asleep


Here's the twins...They got their hands on some decorations


Me sporting my new hoodie and beanie shortly after opening my gifts


This is the late night entertainment for under 21 visitors in Vegas


Sporting the new clothes and about to hit the town in Vegas


By the way, Texas won!!!!!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not against USC, and I'm not a Texas fan...I mean, hell, I went to high school with Reggie Bush. I just like seeing some dynasties come to an end.

The Bad

So yea, I'm in a pretty shitty mood right about now if you couldn't tell.

My sister has her arraignment today. My bro's roommate, a cop recently turned detective, thinks she'll get off easy, but I hope they lock her up for years. Yea, I know that sounds mean, but she won't change, she'll brag about this and it won't change her behavior. Right now, the world would be a better place if she is locked up.

The Ugly

I'm pissed off about this whole situation. Maybe I lied in the beginning. Maybe I do have something left in the tank. Hate and fear. That's what driving me right now; that's what keeping me on my feet. But people driven by such things always crash hard...When will I crash?

I'm beginning to think more and more that'll I'll never get better...That my whole life will be a battle against this fucking thing. My dreams as of late have scared the shit out of me. I've been having a dream that my struggle will continue. That my tumor is something new, or something mutated...Something that they don't know how to fix...I'm scared. Will I ever get better?