My aunt had a huge influence on who I've become as an adult. When I was growing up she had lots of tattoo's and always had all the tattoo magazines at my grandparents house where she lived.I remember sitting for hours every weekend looking through the tattoo magazines just being so amazed with all the beautiful artwork and all the beautiful people. I was always into video games specifically RPGS which she took an interest in and would borrow my games and I'd help her with them. I also got her into Anime eventually so I guess you could say we influenced each other. The lady was a firecracker the black sheep of the family which I eventually inherited that moniker.
A few years ago she started getting very sick. It was two years of her being in and out of ICU in the hospital before she passed about a month ago, a week before her 48th birthday. I was at the hospital everyday she was in there I watched her die as I watched my grandmother die 13 years ago. It's hard to watch a kindred spirit fade away I still don't fully feel like shes gone and it's because shes not she's gonna live on inside my heart forever. Most days I wake up and I'm so fucking angry that's all that's there is anger and hatred until I calm myself down and I don't even know why but it's tearing me apart. I save people that's what I do and I couldn't save her and I hate feeling helpless. I feel so alone most of the time and I feel like I don't have anyone to really talk to and this is all so overwhelming.
This morning I had two missed calls and voice mails from my aunts number. Which I am like ok it's her husband Rick calling. I don't refer to him as an uncle because I mean the dude has been with her maybe 8 years and was never really apart of my family. So I listen to the first voice mail it's him asking me to call him and he knows I probably don't wanna talk to him because he only stayed at the service for like an hour before he bailed. As far as I'm concerned dude wasn't around ever but I'm not mad at him I just have no reason to deal with him with her being gone as me and him never got cool. Mind you this call came at 1:30am which I was in bed. Then he called back like 8 minutes later and said "I just wanted you to know I've been through more in my life then you and anyone in your family and I cared about your aunt more than you or anyone in your family" It's taken all of my good sense not to go over there and fucking beat the hell out of that idiot. The fact that's shes gone had already been eating me up and for him to even mutter something so disguising makes me so upset.
I just had to get that out it's been weighing heavily on my mind.....
