welntaod

Well, I'm here at The 'Rents, acting as chaperone for my not-so-little brother's 13th B-Day party... A guest list of twenty-five makes for lots of giggling, lots of bad music, lots of chips, soda, pizza...did I mention giggling? It's odd to watch for The Boy is alpha male of his 7th grade class. This would also make this one of his public's "parties to be invited to". It also made me realize that it's also the only "cool kid" parties I was ever asked to attend.

I was a raging wallflower until maybe, the age of 20...practicing guitar 6-8 hrs a day didn't help that either. It never occured to be that it was worth my time to socialize with the outside world. Which isn't to say that I never found kindred spirits, or never dated anyone, or never went out... Just more often than not, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Perhaps that's why smoking was such an integral part of my identity at the time... I had a assumed psuedo-social dialogue for any given situation. Need to approach someone, ask for a light... Nervous & not sure what to do with your hands, smoke a butt... Still unsure of what else to do with your self, flick ash. As years of this proceeded, the ritualization of it increased - Smoking cloves to increase incremental segments w/ something to do with your hands; Switching to handrolling cigarettes to aid in more of the same. *now taking pause in order to figure out habit has replaced this in my world*