Okay so you got the world, damn that is a sweet world you might say..
Except for if youre me!
The reason I have not posted for a while is because I have had a lot of bad things happen to me over the past few months and I have not been ready to share anything that has been going on but now, I am starting to come to terms with some of it and think that it might be time to get all the bad stuff off my chest and try and move on rather than trying to deal with it all and not really tell anyone (Plus some people have moaned about the lack of input into SG, you know who you are, they have you to thank for this, lol).
I realise that there are only going to be about two maybe three people that will read this, but thats okay, who would want to read a journal that is never updated, anyway I think I just need to say it (well the shit that I have come to terms with anyway).
Ill start off with my step grandfather; 5 weeks ago he went round to his neighbours house for help because he could not speak because he had a really bad headache. He got rushed into hospital and about two weeks later (because the doctors are useless) they decided to do some tests on him and found out that he had internal bleeding in his brain. He then got moved two 8 different wards and two hospitals until someone decided that it might be a good idea to remove the blood clot in his brain before he died. The brain surgery went as well as can be expected for a man of his age, but since then bad management by the hospital and the shock to his body had meant that he has slowly become worse and more fragile to the point where he can now barely walk. A man who 5 weeks ago was fine walking around no problems, is now lying in a hospital bed with a catheter and very advanced dementia and cant even recognise me. His wife keeps asking for my number so she can phone me to tell me how lonely she is without him and how she cant cope, and I dont know how to help, I know they need to go into a home and I have tried to find suitable places for them and help my parents out as much as possible, but it has been a bit of a shock.
Next is my mum, this has really fucked me up as she is the rock in my life, months ago she had an episode and lost her balance slightly, a lot of tests later she was sent in for an MRI scan, the doctors noticed spots on her brain, possibly caused by her pregnancy with me when she was younger due to high blood pressure, but they needed to do more tests to see. This month she went in for her second MRI scan and they found that the spots have grown which means that she will get worse and probably has multiple sclerosis, a disease that uses the bodys immune system to attack itself and leave scar tissue in place of working cells and will most likely cause dementia and death slowly. A disease that my father is also unfortunate to have in its advanced form that is killing him and has left him paralyzed from the waist down and has also caused the onset of dementia and is worse every time I see him. The problem I have with my dad is that he is a shit to those around him, a prime example of his shitty selfish behaviour was when he demanded to come to my graduation, I purchased the tickets and made all the arrangements for him and his carer and the he did not show up and lied to me down the phone about why he did not come, this really upset my sister who now refuses to see him or answer his calls because of his actions which has kind of left me feeling responsible for the whole situation, but at the same time I feel guilty if I do not take her to see him as I know that he does not have a lot of time left on this earth.
It seems that everywhere I turn; people are having problems and want to talk to me which is good as it takes my mind off things. But I just thought I post this to give an insight into whats been going on, and also in the hope that others who have felt hard done by over the last month or so could take a step back and look at their own lives and realise that petty issues should never become issues in the first place and that they should enjoy life, every minute of it. I think Ive wrote enough, tomorrow I will post all the great things that have happened and it will a lot more fun to read.
Today I long for tomorrow, but tomorrow I will live for the day.
Except for if youre me!
The reason I have not posted for a while is because I have had a lot of bad things happen to me over the past few months and I have not been ready to share anything that has been going on but now, I am starting to come to terms with some of it and think that it might be time to get all the bad stuff off my chest and try and move on rather than trying to deal with it all and not really tell anyone (Plus some people have moaned about the lack of input into SG, you know who you are, they have you to thank for this, lol).
I realise that there are only going to be about two maybe three people that will read this, but thats okay, who would want to read a journal that is never updated, anyway I think I just need to say it (well the shit that I have come to terms with anyway).
Ill start off with my step grandfather; 5 weeks ago he went round to his neighbours house for help because he could not speak because he had a really bad headache. He got rushed into hospital and about two weeks later (because the doctors are useless) they decided to do some tests on him and found out that he had internal bleeding in his brain. He then got moved two 8 different wards and two hospitals until someone decided that it might be a good idea to remove the blood clot in his brain before he died. The brain surgery went as well as can be expected for a man of his age, but since then bad management by the hospital and the shock to his body had meant that he has slowly become worse and more fragile to the point where he can now barely walk. A man who 5 weeks ago was fine walking around no problems, is now lying in a hospital bed with a catheter and very advanced dementia and cant even recognise me. His wife keeps asking for my number so she can phone me to tell me how lonely she is without him and how she cant cope, and I dont know how to help, I know they need to go into a home and I have tried to find suitable places for them and help my parents out as much as possible, but it has been a bit of a shock.
Next is my mum, this has really fucked me up as she is the rock in my life, months ago she had an episode and lost her balance slightly, a lot of tests later she was sent in for an MRI scan, the doctors noticed spots on her brain, possibly caused by her pregnancy with me when she was younger due to high blood pressure, but they needed to do more tests to see. This month she went in for her second MRI scan and they found that the spots have grown which means that she will get worse and probably has multiple sclerosis, a disease that uses the bodys immune system to attack itself and leave scar tissue in place of working cells and will most likely cause dementia and death slowly. A disease that my father is also unfortunate to have in its advanced form that is killing him and has left him paralyzed from the waist down and has also caused the onset of dementia and is worse every time I see him. The problem I have with my dad is that he is a shit to those around him, a prime example of his shitty selfish behaviour was when he demanded to come to my graduation, I purchased the tickets and made all the arrangements for him and his carer and the he did not show up and lied to me down the phone about why he did not come, this really upset my sister who now refuses to see him or answer his calls because of his actions which has kind of left me feeling responsible for the whole situation, but at the same time I feel guilty if I do not take her to see him as I know that he does not have a lot of time left on this earth.
It seems that everywhere I turn; people are having problems and want to talk to me which is good as it takes my mind off things. But I just thought I post this to give an insight into whats been going on, and also in the hope that others who have felt hard done by over the last month or so could take a step back and look at their own lives and realise that petty issues should never become issues in the first place and that they should enjoy life, every minute of it. I think Ive wrote enough, tomorrow I will post all the great things that have happened and it will a lot more fun to read.
Today I long for tomorrow, but tomorrow I will live for the day.