webigailboop

here's to great weekends. chris and i went to the beach with my mom and my sister, and it was great. all of the shit that we've been dealing with seemed to be forgotten. chris unsuccessfully tried to get my mom drunk, my mom told chris to take out his "nipple doo-dads", and chris and i did a lot of snuggling. it was great. the ocean was amazing, there were some of the biggest waves that i've ever seen on the oregon coast and the weather was perfect.

things are a lot better between chris and i right now, i'm so happy. things were so bad for so long, i was so scared. i love him so much, i don't want to lose him ever. it's so scary when the one you love is drifting so far away from you and you're doing everything in your power to stop it, but everything seems like it's going nowhere. i'm still so scared that i'm going to talk to him on the phone one of these days and he's going to get all scared and worried and paranoid again. he has nothing to be scared of, i love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i know that what i did will always be there, but hopefully in time the pain will fade. it already has started to, so i guess that's a good sign.

i think one of the things that has been both good and bad throughout all of this is chris' smoking weed. i think part of the reason that things have been so hard on him (they've been hard for the both of us), or that he was always in a bad mood is because he has really cut back on the amount of weed that he's been smoking. I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with all of the shit that i caused and all of the horrible mental feelings of not smoking weed. i'm very proud of him. he's gone from spending at least $100 a week on weed to having a twenty sack last for almost a week and a half. if someone would have told me that chris would have ever done this a year ago i wouldn't have believed them. i'm very proud of him, and i think that the fact that he isn't smoking hardly anything has really made him see things more clearly and understand my feelings more.

for those of you that have been long time readers of my journal i just wanted to say thanks for always being there for me. times have been tough and i haven't really felt like i could talk to anyone. it's nice to know that people here are understanding and are always willing to listen and give you feedback.

questions of the day:
1. do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
2. what food won't you eat no matter what?
3. what's your favorite day of the week?

my answers:
1. yes, my christopher
2. meatloaf
3. saturday

listening to: "i miss you" bjork
reading: carnello, by sandra cisneros

shelley