Oh. My. GAWD.
Sometimes, life just whacks you with a Nerf bat in the go-nards. Let me summarize:
I am an NCO in the US Armed Forces, and as a result, I am responsible in a broad sense for those members who are below me in rank. There is an individual I know, used to be friends with, and then pulled away from due to personal issues between me & him. He has generally been a nuisance to a handful of others at a local bar we frequent, but that is it. He hasn't been more than a bother.
No matter what happened between us, I let our petty stuff slide because I'm supposed to be above that, and for the most part I like to think I am. For the most part. Sunday night, though, he drags an innocent, oblivious mutual acquaintance into our beef and it just set me off. I don't think of myself as someone with a temper problem by any means; if anything, I have a temper SOLUTION. I simply have a mellow outlook on life. Making an innocent bystander a means by which to prod me just pushes me in the wrong ways, though.
Firstly, I assured this third person that what HE said I had said at some unknown point in time was entirely false. Then, because we had BOTH been drinking alcohol, I immediately chugged down a cup of ice water & gave myself a 20-minute "Calm the FUCK down" time-out.
Instead of being Sergeant DOUCHE right away, I waited for an opportune moment when The Boy was away from his table and semi-private to attempt to pull him aside for a "Come to Jesus" if you catch my drift. I wasn't going to get angry and shout, and DEFINITELY not going to start any violence. I just wanted to talk. So I say "Hey <NAME>, stay outside a minute." He replies "No." And then I have to put on my Big Boy Trousers reluctantly; "I ORDER you to stay outside!" He actually tells me to "FUCK OFF!" His words, not mine.
I know a line has been crossed. I wanted to avoid ANY line crossings!
AGGGHHHH!!!! I IMMEDIATELY close my tab & start downing non-alcoholic drinks like a pro, because I need to clear my head. I apologize to my friends in advance because I MAY have to become an asshole about this in the short-term future and I HATE to be a total DOUCHE in public or private.
Instead of calling the military police, I shoot him a text AFTER it is last call and I know we're both most likely home. I ask him a second time if we can talk about what he "allegedly" said about me, as well as both our behaviors at the bar, or if this was something I had to push up to a higher level of authority. As of this posting, nearly 2 hours later, I haven't gotten a response.
I am going to keep this all unofficial for now and talk it over with my supervisor Tuesday. This is the first "judgment call" I have had to make as someone in authority, and there is SO MUCH GREY AREA that nothing seems entirely a good move to make. I phoned my Dad, a retired military person, for a 2nd opinion before I took any action and I am so glad I did. He understood my uncertainty with this being my first position, and while he disagreed with my proposed course of action initially, he was able to convince me that further contact should be attempted before I DID anything. Did I mention that my Dad is fucking awesome at times like this?
I will talk to my boss in about 30 hours or so. I will most likely see this person face-to-face and sober around Friday. I will give him until then to call me back, and when I see him next weekend, I will try a 3rd time to get him to just hash this out with me, unofficially. 3 strikes and you're out, buddy; I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
GOD, I hate having to be an asshole!
Sometimes, life just whacks you with a Nerf bat in the go-nards. Let me summarize:
I am an NCO in the US Armed Forces, and as a result, I am responsible in a broad sense for those members who are below me in rank. There is an individual I know, used to be friends with, and then pulled away from due to personal issues between me & him. He has generally been a nuisance to a handful of others at a local bar we frequent, but that is it. He hasn't been more than a bother.
No matter what happened between us, I let our petty stuff slide because I'm supposed to be above that, and for the most part I like to think I am. For the most part. Sunday night, though, he drags an innocent, oblivious mutual acquaintance into our beef and it just set me off. I don't think of myself as someone with a temper problem by any means; if anything, I have a temper SOLUTION. I simply have a mellow outlook on life. Making an innocent bystander a means by which to prod me just pushes me in the wrong ways, though.
Firstly, I assured this third person that what HE said I had said at some unknown point in time was entirely false. Then, because we had BOTH been drinking alcohol, I immediately chugged down a cup of ice water & gave myself a 20-minute "Calm the FUCK down" time-out.
Instead of being Sergeant DOUCHE right away, I waited for an opportune moment when The Boy was away from his table and semi-private to attempt to pull him aside for a "Come to Jesus" if you catch my drift. I wasn't going to get angry and shout, and DEFINITELY not going to start any violence. I just wanted to talk. So I say "Hey <NAME>, stay outside a minute." He replies "No." And then I have to put on my Big Boy Trousers reluctantly; "I ORDER you to stay outside!" He actually tells me to "FUCK OFF!" His words, not mine.
I know a line has been crossed. I wanted to avoid ANY line crossings!
AGGGHHHH!!!! I IMMEDIATELY close my tab & start downing non-alcoholic drinks like a pro, because I need to clear my head. I apologize to my friends in advance because I MAY have to become an asshole about this in the short-term future and I HATE to be a total DOUCHE in public or private.
Instead of calling the military police, I shoot him a text AFTER it is last call and I know we're both most likely home. I ask him a second time if we can talk about what he "allegedly" said about me, as well as both our behaviors at the bar, or if this was something I had to push up to a higher level of authority. As of this posting, nearly 2 hours later, I haven't gotten a response.
I am going to keep this all unofficial for now and talk it over with my supervisor Tuesday. This is the first "judgment call" I have had to make as someone in authority, and there is SO MUCH GREY AREA that nothing seems entirely a good move to make. I phoned my Dad, a retired military person, for a 2nd opinion before I took any action and I am so glad I did. He understood my uncertainty with this being my first position, and while he disagreed with my proposed course of action initially, he was able to convince me that further contact should be attempted before I DID anything. Did I mention that my Dad is fucking awesome at times like this?
I will talk to my boss in about 30 hours or so. I will most likely see this person face-to-face and sober around Friday. I will give him until then to call me back, and when I see him next weekend, I will try a 3rd time to get him to just hash this out with me, unofficially. 3 strikes and you're out, buddy; I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
GOD, I hate having to be an asshole!
i like what you said in Dating Sucks in the 27 and... thread.
xo