Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Well, apparently not me. I auditioned for the show yesterday, in no small part because I want to do dirty, dirty things to Meredith Vieira. Spent half an hour standing in the rain outside stupid ABC studios, when they really could have easily let us wait inside, with retarded Iowans who had made the trip specifically for this, the highlight of their sad, empty, obese lives. Finally went inside the cafeteria to take the little test, the first step in the process. 30 questions, all celebrity trivia. The one subject I pride myself on knowing absolutely crap about. I know I got the question about Jenny Jones being a former rock drummer and Wayne Newton backup singer, because I used to watch the Jenny Jones Show in junior high school to see the "My teen daughter dresses like a hooker" themes, and beat off to 16 year old cleavage and ass cheeks. w00t. So constantly jerkin' it throughout adolescence paid off in a small way. I think I actually got most of the obscure questions right, but I don't know who Julia Roberts was supposed to marry in 1991, and I'm happy with that. Suffice to say, I didn't get a high enough score to move on to the interview part, where I really planned to make a big splash by whipping out my cock and saying, "You see this? You think Meredith Vieira can say no to this?" Alas, never got the opportunity. I'm going to try again, for the regular type questions, hopefully, where being smart and not sucking down Ho-Hos in front of terrible TV surrounded by back issues of Star and Us Weekly will be to my advantage.
I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
Now I'm sick. Fever, cough, snot faucet.
So far this week sucks.
P.S. I'd like to send a special "Fuck You, Buddy" to Rich Gannon, who broke his damn fool neck and left me scrambling for a QB this week to back up Daunte Culpepper, who, as far as I'm concerned, should not be allowed a bye week. You're a bastard, Gannon, broken neck and all.
P.P.S. If anyone would like to buy me the textbook "Human Adjustment" by, say, noon tomorrow, so that I can study for the exam I'm taking tomorrow evening to make up for missing it while failing to get on Millionaire, I'd sure appreciate it. It's only $98. Thanks in advance.
Edit: It's 7 a.m. I haven't slept. This cartoon just cracked me the fuck up. Is it just me?
Well, apparently not me. I auditioned for the show yesterday, in no small part because I want to do dirty, dirty things to Meredith Vieira. Spent half an hour standing in the rain outside stupid ABC studios, when they really could have easily let us wait inside, with retarded Iowans who had made the trip specifically for this, the highlight of their sad, empty, obese lives. Finally went inside the cafeteria to take the little test, the first step in the process. 30 questions, all celebrity trivia. The one subject I pride myself on knowing absolutely crap about. I know I got the question about Jenny Jones being a former rock drummer and Wayne Newton backup singer, because I used to watch the Jenny Jones Show in junior high school to see the "My teen daughter dresses like a hooker" themes, and beat off to 16 year old cleavage and ass cheeks. w00t. So constantly jerkin' it throughout adolescence paid off in a small way. I think I actually got most of the obscure questions right, but I don't know who Julia Roberts was supposed to marry in 1991, and I'm happy with that. Suffice to say, I didn't get a high enough score to move on to the interview part, where I really planned to make a big splash by whipping out my cock and saying, "You see this? You think Meredith Vieira can say no to this?" Alas, never got the opportunity. I'm going to try again, for the regular type questions, hopefully, where being smart and not sucking down Ho-Hos in front of terrible TV surrounded by back issues of Star and Us Weekly will be to my advantage.
I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.
Now I'm sick. Fever, cough, snot faucet.
So far this week sucks.
P.S. I'd like to send a special "Fuck You, Buddy" to Rich Gannon, who broke his damn fool neck and left me scrambling for a QB this week to back up Daunte Culpepper, who, as far as I'm concerned, should not be allowed a bye week. You're a bastard, Gannon, broken neck and all.
P.P.S. If anyone would like to buy me the textbook "Human Adjustment" by, say, noon tomorrow, so that I can study for the exam I'm taking tomorrow evening to make up for missing it while failing to get on Millionaire, I'd sure appreciate it. It's only $98. Thanks in advance.
Edit: It's 7 a.m. I haven't slept. This cartoon just cracked me the fuck up. Is it just me?
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
Peace,
Will
edited for clarity
[Edited on Oct 03, 2004 9:59PM]