If you haven't seen Watchmen but want too stop reading now -
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
The movie adaptation of Watchmen is a bit like a Terminator. Its looks as it should and sounds as it should. But instead of being a ground breaking work of fiction its a killer robot that wants to end humanity. Sorry hang on a sec my own metaphor is confusing me. What I mean to say is that its all there, but its not right some how. However unlike the a Terminator, Watchmen won't try and nuke your planet dry.
Enough metaphor crap.
I want to like Watchmen, but i can only admire it. I have no problem with the direction, casting, photography, effects or any other part actual film making. Thats all as good as it was ever going to be with the script they worked from.
One day when I rule the world, have infinite money and am immortal I'm going to visit every screenwriter on the planet and explain to them in condescending terms what the word adaptation means. Adaptation does not mean literally filming the book, someone already made the motion comic thing. It also means understanding that works on the page may not work on the screen. Yes Zach I know they are both pretty pictures, but there's a massive difference.
The other thing that bothers me with the script is that after about an hour the film has just about got to the end of chapter two. Which means there's around about 80% of the book left to "adapt" and 90 minutes to do it in. So what happens is that the major plot points are mapped out and the writers bodge what needs to happen to get the characters there. Eventually we reach the finale, which needs its own paragraph.
(Because I don't want The_New_Scum to turn up at my house chain me to a radiator and burn the building down I'm gonna make it quite clear that I have no objection to the giant exploding psychic squid not being in the film)
Viedt then uses Dr Manhattan's powers to level several cities so humanity thinks hes looking over us like Klaatu from "The Day the Earth Stood Still" ready to wipe us out if we even think about nuclear weapons. This makes no sense. At all. Here's why-
1. Its the Cold War. People are very fucking paranoid. All of a sudden America's golden boy starts laying waste to the world (well apparently anyway). Are you honestly saying that the Reds wouldn't blame America? That they wouldn't think America just took the dog off its leash? You know kinda like they did in Vietnam.
2. As long as the Russians didn't nuke America into the Stoneage I believe the Earth would of been united. United in making weapons to kill Dr Manhattan should he ever come back. Well done Viedt you've just escalated the arms race even more.
3. Killing millions of people is a bit of a dick move to prove a point. Wouldn't it be easier to make all the nukes disappear? But then thats something Dr Manhattan would of done, killing millions of people is something we do better. If you're selling someone a lie best make it plausible. Then again it would piss off an awful lot of people and send them running to weapon makers. See point two for more.
There's a few other things that bothered me and they all centre on the same thing. The adaptation is so close to the source that whenever it deviates its jarring. Rorschach killing the child murderer feels completely out of step not because its horrible, but because its not horrible enough. Killing him swiftly isn't half as cruel as letting him burn alive. I know they filmmakers used the excuse "But Saw stole that idea", but fuck that this is who Rorschach is you fools. Plus when Heroes stole your ending (the whole big bang making everyone love each other idea) you didn't come up with something because someone got there first.
Finally, there's been a lot of talk of Watchmen being made for geeks by geeks. Every time I hear that I want to punch someone. Movie studies don't make films that cost $150,000,000 for geeks, they make them for Joe Bloggs Bumblefuck from Incestville. Or if you like they make them for everyone. Cos there aren't enough geeks in the world to cover that much coin. And thats only the ones that can stand swapping one darkened room for another.
Despite all the above though I managed to sit through it without wanting to tear the seat up in a rage of geekery. And I want to see the extended version with the Black Freighter stuck in there. I'm just pretty sure I'm never going to love it the same way I love "The Dark Knight" or "Spiderman 2".
The movie adaptation of Watchmen is a bit like a Terminator. Its looks as it should and sounds as it should. But instead of being a ground breaking work of fiction its a killer robot that wants to end humanity. Sorry hang on a sec my own metaphor is confusing me. What I mean to say is that its all there, but its not right some how. However unlike the a Terminator, Watchmen won't try and nuke your planet dry.
Enough metaphor crap.
I want to like Watchmen, but i can only admire it. I have no problem with the direction, casting, photography, effects or any other part actual film making. Thats all as good as it was ever going to be with the script they worked from.
One day when I rule the world, have infinite money and am immortal I'm going to visit every screenwriter on the planet and explain to them in condescending terms what the word adaptation means. Adaptation does not mean literally filming the book, someone already made the motion comic thing. It also means understanding that works on the page may not work on the screen. Yes Zach I know they are both pretty pictures, but there's a massive difference.
The other thing that bothers me with the script is that after about an hour the film has just about got to the end of chapter two. Which means there's around about 80% of the book left to "adapt" and 90 minutes to do it in. So what happens is that the major plot points are mapped out and the writers bodge what needs to happen to get the characters there. Eventually we reach the finale, which needs its own paragraph.
(Because I don't want The_New_Scum to turn up at my house chain me to a radiator and burn the building down I'm gonna make it quite clear that I have no objection to the giant exploding psychic squid not being in the film)
Viedt then uses Dr Manhattan's powers to level several cities so humanity thinks hes looking over us like Klaatu from "The Day the Earth Stood Still" ready to wipe us out if we even think about nuclear weapons. This makes no sense. At all. Here's why-
1. Its the Cold War. People are very fucking paranoid. All of a sudden America's golden boy starts laying waste to the world (well apparently anyway). Are you honestly saying that the Reds wouldn't blame America? That they wouldn't think America just took the dog off its leash? You know kinda like they did in Vietnam.
2. As long as the Russians didn't nuke America into the Stoneage I believe the Earth would of been united. United in making weapons to kill Dr Manhattan should he ever come back. Well done Viedt you've just escalated the arms race even more.
3. Killing millions of people is a bit of a dick move to prove a point. Wouldn't it be easier to make all the nukes disappear? But then thats something Dr Manhattan would of done, killing millions of people is something we do better. If you're selling someone a lie best make it plausible. Then again it would piss off an awful lot of people and send them running to weapon makers. See point two for more.
There's a few other things that bothered me and they all centre on the same thing. The adaptation is so close to the source that whenever it deviates its jarring. Rorschach killing the child murderer feels completely out of step not because its horrible, but because its not horrible enough. Killing him swiftly isn't half as cruel as letting him burn alive. I know they filmmakers used the excuse "But Saw stole that idea", but fuck that this is who Rorschach is you fools. Plus when Heroes stole your ending (the whole big bang making everyone love each other idea) you didn't come up with something because someone got there first.
Finally, there's been a lot of talk of Watchmen being made for geeks by geeks. Every time I hear that I want to punch someone. Movie studies don't make films that cost $150,000,000 for geeks, they make them for Joe Bloggs Bumblefuck from Incestville. Or if you like they make them for everyone. Cos there aren't enough geeks in the world to cover that much coin. And thats only the ones that can stand swapping one darkened room for another.
Despite all the above though I managed to sit through it without wanting to tear the seat up in a rage of geekery. And I want to see the extended version with the Black Freighter stuck in there. I'm just pretty sure I'm never going to love it the same way I love "The Dark Knight" or "Spiderman 2".
I still have not seen Watchmen so I feel unable to respond yet.
I'm still nervous for it.