I Am Legend: A Critique
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
For the first hour I was enjoying this movie. It was as intelligent as a Will Smith movie about being the last man alive is going to be. The scares worked and watching Big Willy go about his daily rituals to keep himself alive and sane was compelling. I can't fault the opening at all, and the aftermath of his dog dying is fucking heart breaking.
If you go see the movie thats your cue to leave. Thats the moment were the film decides to head down Implausible Alley.
It all goes downhill when two more survivors turn up. With knowledge that there are more survivors in a secret camp. What has so far been a brave movie (for a Blockbuster its incredibly bleak) enters the final act with a terrible cop out. Worse still the female survivor starts banging on that God has sent her to save the Fresh Prince. For fucks sake. To his credit Carltons cousin has a great monologue were he belittles her claim by wondering why God would let 99% of the world die. And then have them come back to life to eat the reminder
All this is quickly forgotten because the undead storm Will's house. They humans lock themselves into Smith's lab that he keeps in the basement. This crisis seems to focus Smith as he suddenly discovers the cure to the vampire plague. Just like that! With the vampire hordes about to kill him he gives the cure to the women and then barricades her in what looks like a fireplace. The bad guys break into the lab but Will pulls out a grenade and blows them all back to hell. And himself.
Thats right the only man alive that knows how the cure works and how to create more of it kills himself.
Anyway, women survivor and son head for the mythical colony. Guess what it's real! Gosh what a surprise! These people sure are clever they've built themselves a town and protected it with.... a wall. Good job all the vampires arent incredibly agile and would have no trouble scaling a wall. Oh wait sorry they are and a wall would present no challenge.
Other stuff:
- Will Smith has no witty one liners. That's like a Ken Loach movie without grubby people being depressing.
- Theres a scene were Smith bonds with the two other survivors by reciting the dialogue from "Shrek" while its playing on the TV. In real life thats creepy and fucking annoying.
- The film opens with Will hunting deer. By shooting at them out the window of the sportscar he's driving.
- The CGI monsters look shit. When they're not moving they are creepy. Otherwise they look like something my Amstrad produced.
- Why oh why is there is "boss" monster. Aren't they supposed to be emotionless killing machines? The idea that one of them would be giving orders seems a bit daft.
Boss Monster "Right then lets go eat Will Smith"
Other Monsters "Haven't we being trying to do that for the entire movie?"
Boss Monster "Yes but this is the exciting conclusion"
Other Monster "Point taken, but telling a load of monsters whos sole concern is tearing humans apart to go tear humans apart is a bit redundant"
Boss Monster "Thats a good point. Lets eat the script writer first"
And thats how Akiva Goldsmith died. Possibly
In case you've no idea how Mr Goldsmith is here is a list of other movies he's written. Everyone is a shit pile.
"So why did you go see this movie Geoff?" I hear you ask.
Probably for the same reason i went out drinking last night, horrible boredom. And three people told me it was good. It's not.
It's another example that proves the two most important parts of a movie are the beginning and the end. The opening should hook you (I Am Legend does do that) and the conclusion should pay of the premise in a satisfactory manner. Not peter out in a "Sorry we ran out of ideas" way.
In short I can't recommend it. Its two thirds of an excellent movie, with a crappy third act shoehorned on. Shame.
For the first hour I was enjoying this movie. It was as intelligent as a Will Smith movie about being the last man alive is going to be. The scares worked and watching Big Willy go about his daily rituals to keep himself alive and sane was compelling. I can't fault the opening at all, and the aftermath of his dog dying is fucking heart breaking.
If you go see the movie thats your cue to leave. Thats the moment were the film decides to head down Implausible Alley.
It all goes downhill when two more survivors turn up. With knowledge that there are more survivors in a secret camp. What has so far been a brave movie (for a Blockbuster its incredibly bleak) enters the final act with a terrible cop out. Worse still the female survivor starts banging on that God has sent her to save the Fresh Prince. For fucks sake. To his credit Carltons cousin has a great monologue were he belittles her claim by wondering why God would let 99% of the world die. And then have them come back to life to eat the reminder
All this is quickly forgotten because the undead storm Will's house. They humans lock themselves into Smith's lab that he keeps in the basement. This crisis seems to focus Smith as he suddenly discovers the cure to the vampire plague. Just like that! With the vampire hordes about to kill him he gives the cure to the women and then barricades her in what looks like a fireplace. The bad guys break into the lab but Will pulls out a grenade and blows them all back to hell. And himself.
Thats right the only man alive that knows how the cure works and how to create more of it kills himself.
Anyway, women survivor and son head for the mythical colony. Guess what it's real! Gosh what a surprise! These people sure are clever they've built themselves a town and protected it with.... a wall. Good job all the vampires arent incredibly agile and would have no trouble scaling a wall. Oh wait sorry they are and a wall would present no challenge.
Other stuff:
- Will Smith has no witty one liners. That's like a Ken Loach movie without grubby people being depressing.
- Theres a scene were Smith bonds with the two other survivors by reciting the dialogue from "Shrek" while its playing on the TV. In real life thats creepy and fucking annoying.
- The film opens with Will hunting deer. By shooting at them out the window of the sportscar he's driving.
- The CGI monsters look shit. When they're not moving they are creepy. Otherwise they look like something my Amstrad produced.
- Why oh why is there is "boss" monster. Aren't they supposed to be emotionless killing machines? The idea that one of them would be giving orders seems a bit daft.
Boss Monster "Right then lets go eat Will Smith"
Other Monsters "Haven't we being trying to do that for the entire movie?"
Boss Monster "Yes but this is the exciting conclusion"
Other Monster "Point taken, but telling a load of monsters whos sole concern is tearing humans apart to go tear humans apart is a bit redundant"
Boss Monster "Thats a good point. Lets eat the script writer first"
And thats how Akiva Goldsmith died. Possibly
In case you've no idea how Mr Goldsmith is here is a list of other movies he's written. Everyone is a shit pile.
"So why did you go see this movie Geoff?" I hear you ask.
Probably for the same reason i went out drinking last night, horrible boredom. And three people told me it was good. It's not.
It's another example that proves the two most important parts of a movie are the beginning and the end. The opening should hook you (I Am Legend does do that) and the conclusion should pay of the premise in a satisfactory manner. Not peter out in a "Sorry we ran out of ideas" way.
In short I can't recommend it. Its two thirds of an excellent movie, with a crappy third act shoehorned on. Shame.
I'll be back with pining over some girl and generally moaning tomorrow. Unless I go out drinking. Which is likely.