Tuesday Apr 01, 2003

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it's always good to have lost your emergency pill you carry around in case of anxiety attacks.

so when you have an anxiety attack it can be worse.

but now i'm home and i have my alprazolam and everything is going to be ok...for now.

*****
my dad came home and told me he gave one of his friends my phone nubmer for their son. he said "we can compare tattoos" i fucking laughed in his face. i have one parent attempting to set me up with people.

and the other parents calls me a slut and that i should get some fucking morals and stop sleeping in people's beds. ha.
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trilobyte:
your parents sound like an interesting combo... dad and his misguided attempts at being cool... and of course mom sounds a bit too much like a psycho... did dad at least suggest someone that was half-cool? or is it just sad and you're dreading the phone ringing?

for a while when i first graduated high school, my parents got pretty insane. sometimes there was the whole good cop/bad cop thing where one would freak out and the other would pretend to be understanding. Sometimes it was all bad. They were giving me shit about my life (seemed like everything about my life set them off), and there was a lot of pressure to move out on my own. I ended up bailing on college so I could work full time and have my own place, and in the process moved out of state. Problem seemed to be solved, and ever since then we've gotten along. I'm not sure if it was after years under the same roof it was just personalities rubbing the wrong way, or if maybe when I graduated high school they knew that my time living at home was drawing to a close and they were fearful of that and just expressed it badly. It was probably some of both. But we get along really well now, and they've apologized for pretty much all the craziness. So I guess what I'm saying is that your parents may be so psycho because they're having difficulty with the idea that their time of "raising you" is almost over. So don't let them get under your skin **too** much. Once you get out on your own the relationship will change in a big way. Hopefully the transition from adversary to ally will be smooth and quick.
stellartrane:
I know how you feel. I use to have very severe anxiety attacks for about three years. I use to walk for miles aimlessly to shake the over whelming feelings and refused to see anyone for about a year. You feel half asleep all the time cause you can't sleep. You think you are going crazy and the future is a void. I don't even want to talk about all the pills those asshole doctors tried to subscribe me, alprazolam didn't do shit except make me tired.

I came to realization (without drugs) that I was freaking out about my future. One day I just said fuck it. I refuse to be scared any more or take anymore pills or anti-depressants, and choose to take what ever comes at me. After that I when I had one I just got pissed and told myself to calm down and quit being a pussy (this was my solution, probably won't work 99% of the time for anyone else). Amazingly after awhile and getting some of my shit together they went away all together.

Just hang in there and say fuck it, it's only a state of mind anyhow.... trust me, I've been there, I little place I like to call crazyville. --J


[Edited on Apr 01, 2003]

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