Im sorry I came in your shoes.
Im sorry I hung your teddy bear from the light fitting and then pointed the anglepoise lamp at it so the first thing you saw when you came home was little Bear Paws swinging from his noose in silhouette on the wall.
Im sorry about that thing with your chinchilla and the bellows. But I have to point...
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Im sorry I hung your teddy bear from the light fitting and then pointed the anglepoise lamp at it so the first thing you saw when you came home was little Bear Paws swinging from his noose in silhouette on the wall.
Im sorry about that thing with your chinchilla and the bellows. But I have to point...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Would you wear a suicide bomb for me?
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
malkav11:
I would not wear a bomb, no. I would, however, wear a dead-man-switch-release pack of insane Russian black squirrels, and isn't that more interesting anyway?
Did you get the new Apparat Programme allmusicpodcastthingy yet? You can direct download the mp3 with this. Or you can go here to play it right in your browser, using the little "play" button that magically appears next to every mp3 on my website. It is Magic. Fuck Grant Morrison. I'm King Of The Magicians now. Interweb Magic. Yes. On your fucking knees. I would...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
warrenellis:
AOL's great for travel, and provide a cheap and very reliable 2MB line with no cap. It's not like I use the AOL front end or anything...
mck:
All ISPs are wank, anyway. It's just a question of finding the least wank ones.
Found on my account page:
"You will next be billed on January 1, 1970. Please check the below box and click submit to cancel your account. Your account will be cancelled on January 1, 1970 and you will not be billed again. You can uncancel your account any time before January 1, 1970 in your payment preferences."
Hmmmmmm.
"You will next be billed on January 1, 1970. Please check the below box and click submit to cancel your account. Your account will be cancelled on January 1, 1970 and you will not be billed again. You can uncancel your account any time before January 1, 1970 in your payment preferences."
Hmmmmmm.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
laputa64:
sweet! you've mastered time travel!!
8spiders:
I'd say pay up, or else they'll force you to wear bell-bottoms and hideous sunglasses. They'll fag you up real old skool Elton John like.
God has hated me ever since I made his girlfriend come.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
neumie:
wow
max_renn:
lol,- i knew god was a jealous bastard 
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
blackwell:
Surely the rejects from various 'talent shows' are perfect candidates for Homicide Girls? I think you would be doing society a favour.
And no one can literally photograph the future. Unless they know how to work a flux capacitor
And no one can literally photograph the future. Unless they know how to work a flux capacitor
piracy:
you were in my dream last night.
i was trying to meet you at this con that was being held in film cans on a stand of metal shelves but couldn't figure out how to get in.
i think i saw you, though.
i was trying to meet you at this con that was being held in film cans on a stand of metal shelves but couldn't figure out how to get in.
i think i saw you, though.
Sometimes I think about creating a competing site called Homicide Girls, where the subscription fees go towards funding human-hunts in the lawless wilds of the Ukraine.
Because who wouldn't want to see tattooed girls in fetishwear hunting humans with handguns, knives and perhaps the odd javelin?
I personally think I'm on to something, but the enthusiasm always wanes when I wake up sober.
Because who wouldn't want to see tattooed girls in fetishwear hunting humans with handguns, knives and perhaps the odd javelin?
I personally think I'm on to something, but the enthusiasm always wanes when I wake up sober.
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
carrotjuice:
Oh my gracious! I was not aware you were a member of this site. Your work is absolutly inspirational. 
drake:
I don't like waiting in lines, but I DO like seeing what comic people really look like. Thanks for wearing a nice suit in your profile picture.
Japan fails to land their tin can on an asteroid. ESA fails to orbit satellites. America's Top Monkey makes presidential pronouncements about Going To The Moon like it's new and special, and not at all like sending a boat to look for the Northwest Passage again. And NASA specialists admit that the Shuttle was a total wrong turn and that they're going back to redevelop...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
zofia:
But goddamn, the 80's were wonderful! All that money! All the trash! All the anal viscosity the porn stars had!
menotyou:
The future is proving to be totally useless.
Have you ever wanted to fuck someone and destroy their faith in Christ?
More importantly:
Have you ever wanted to fuck someone and destroy their faith in SATAN?
More importantly:
Have you ever wanted to fuck someone and destroy their faith in SATAN?
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
malkav11:
Er, isn't Satan a component of Judaism, also?
Not to mention Satanism, which, while tending to twist Christian concepts and/or imagery, is sufficiently different to count as a separate religion, I would think...
Not to mention Satanism, which, while tending to twist Christian concepts and/or imagery, is sufficiently different to count as a separate religion, I would think...
pillforyourills:
Once I fucked someone and all it did was reinforce her belief in Christ.
I've sworn off Catholics.
I've sworn off Catholics.
If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
direchocobo:
Whoever it is beaming thoughts into me brains is one fucked up individual.
But who beams thoughts into their brains?
But who beams thoughts into their brains?
pillforyourills:
Where have I read that before?
You should be setting the front of her house on fire, too.