wanstead

Feeling deeply negative right now. Had a good and shit evening all rolled into one.
I'm really suffering from low self esteem at the moment. And I seriously don't know what the hell to do. I feel like my career is in shreds, I just don't ever seem to get anywhere. I sort of think I'm good at what I do and take pains to ensure that I know my stuff. But i don't seem to be a stayer or a finisher.

I guess now that I'm happily monogamous I've just turned into a job hopping career slut, ten jobs in eight years. I just don't seem to be able to make any kind of commitment to any employer. Whether its permanent or contract, I just drift in and out of work.

Fair enough if they were just, McJobs, stacking shelves, wiping tables or picking up litter on tube platforms. But they're not. These are extremely well paid jobs. My skill set in programming, my business knowledge and my age put me in that zone. But somehow I can't stick at any of them. I don't know what's gone wrong with me.

is it lack of self confidence, no I'm confident in what I do. I don't like being told what to do and I can't suffer fools gladly. Plus I'm caught in a zone of being a programmer and not a senior manager or director or a project manager. cos I'm seen as the skilled experienced one that they need to write the code.

But, hold on, I feel that my peers at the same level as me don't rate me or thing I'm a fraud. Probably they don't care and don't give me a passing though yet in my own mad world I have this belief that