wacksteven

All talent and no motivation makes Chris a very dull boy...

I can't seem to find motivation to do much of anything lately. I just feel let down by everyone. I hate this week. This is a bad week in my history. Ex-girlfriend, heart-stomping, gut-wrenching agony. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK everyone that tries to mess with my head. I am constantly punished for being the nice guy but I never learn. I'm always naive and I try to believe in people but am let down all the time.

I can't seem to find the right brush strokes to make my paintings what I want them to be. It's just not there. Kraven's painting is sort of sitting in limbo, I'll work on it for 10 minutes and think about how much I suck at painting and then leave it be until later...which is usually a few days.

Even one of my favorite pastimes has lost its flair. Video games are not interesting to me. Even the ones that I know are really good and have enjoyed. I haven't played my guitar in a while...like a long while.

I have a feeling all this negative energy that's been building up is because of my ex. Really awful breakup several years ago. Still makes me feel like shit at this time of year. Argh. I think I'm going to meditate tonight and post something inspirational tomorrow to forget this crappy mood. I'm making a conscious effort to put an end to it. I hope everyone else has been doing well.