You know how when you're a kid and everything just seems better? Like hot dogs and mac n' cheese with a koolaid chaser. That was actually a suitable meal as a child, in fact, we loved it. Today, I look at it and think, those lazy prick parents of mine! No fucking' veggies? No fruits? It's a wonder that I don't have scurvey!
So this train of thought came about while thinking about the time that I took my niece to the carnival. My twin and I gave her the option-Disneyland, or the carnival. Of course doing so right in front of the carnvial was not a good idea. So carnival it was.
We get out of my sister's VW Bus onto the dirt lot, which I am sure was not there before, and proceed to go buy tickets, after 20 minutes and a small handful of tickets later(I am pretty sure that we needed a second mortgage at that point) I look around to see what we should do first. My niece is thrilled by the blaring carnie music and neon backdrops...whereas my sister and I are immediately assaulted at the sight of the teetering rides and general lack of sanitation.
Were carnivals always this disgusting? I am pretty sure that I remember them being cleaner...and I do believe that the carnies sported more teeth in my day.
So we opt to play a game. That ping pong ball in the dish game where you can win goldfish. My twin turns to me and says,"are you nuts? Do you want to lug fish around all night?"
I chuckle and look at me niece. "She's five, Shon! I don't think we have to worry!"
Little did I know, that the mother of my niece carried the blood line of Babe Ruth. Out of nine balls, my ringer of a five year old niece, in her cute pigtails, won 8 fucking fish! What the fuck????? So after having to buy the tank that went with the fish (do they always have to be large with slotted holes at the top?) my sister glares at me and we move on to the next thrill. Winny spots the cotton candy machine. I look at the sticky, obvious health violation of a cart and grudginly give in.
We get on our first ride...the swings...no no no, not the mild children's playground type set. the twirling flying swings of death! Why do they always zoom your ass right over oncoming traffic suspended by rusted creaking chainlink????? Jesus!
We all pick a swing and start to lift in the air(much to the dismaying groan of the ride. We begin our twirling death spiral and my niece begins to panic(I don't blame her), So shonna and I have to try and calm her by telling her how fun it is and swinging our arms and kicking our feet (meanwhile my heart is threatening to give out and I am sure that I felt a link in my swing give). Winny calms down right as the ride ends then yells that she wants to do it again. I damn near fainted at the idea.
After surviving six more swing rides with clean pants(!) we decide to wander the carnival. I absent mindedly reach into the cotton candy bag and feel that it is dripping wet. My niece had been slowly spilling carnie fish water into all night. That was it for us! It was time to go the fuck home and scrub the carnie funk from our bodies!
That was about six or seven years ago, i still panic when I see those damn swing set rides!
So this train of thought came about while thinking about the time that I took my niece to the carnival. My twin and I gave her the option-Disneyland, or the carnival. Of course doing so right in front of the carnvial was not a good idea. So carnival it was.
We get out of my sister's VW Bus onto the dirt lot, which I am sure was not there before, and proceed to go buy tickets, after 20 minutes and a small handful of tickets later(I am pretty sure that we needed a second mortgage at that point) I look around to see what we should do first. My niece is thrilled by the blaring carnie music and neon backdrops...whereas my sister and I are immediately assaulted at the sight of the teetering rides and general lack of sanitation.
Were carnivals always this disgusting? I am pretty sure that I remember them being cleaner...and I do believe that the carnies sported more teeth in my day.
So we opt to play a game. That ping pong ball in the dish game where you can win goldfish. My twin turns to me and says,"are you nuts? Do you want to lug fish around all night?"
I chuckle and look at me niece. "She's five, Shon! I don't think we have to worry!"
Little did I know, that the mother of my niece carried the blood line of Babe Ruth. Out of nine balls, my ringer of a five year old niece, in her cute pigtails, won 8 fucking fish! What the fuck????? So after having to buy the tank that went with the fish (do they always have to be large with slotted holes at the top?) my sister glares at me and we move on to the next thrill. Winny spots the cotton candy machine. I look at the sticky, obvious health violation of a cart and grudginly give in.
We get on our first ride...the swings...no no no, not the mild children's playground type set. the twirling flying swings of death! Why do they always zoom your ass right over oncoming traffic suspended by rusted creaking chainlink????? Jesus!
We all pick a swing and start to lift in the air(much to the dismaying groan of the ride. We begin our twirling death spiral and my niece begins to panic(I don't blame her), So shonna and I have to try and calm her by telling her how fun it is and swinging our arms and kicking our feet (meanwhile my heart is threatening to give out and I am sure that I felt a link in my swing give). Winny calms down right as the ride ends then yells that she wants to do it again. I damn near fainted at the idea.
After surviving six more swing rides with clean pants(!) we decide to wander the carnival. I absent mindedly reach into the cotton candy bag and feel that it is dripping wet. My niece had been slowly spilling carnie fish water into all night. That was it for us! It was time to go the fuck home and scrub the carnie funk from our bodies!
That was about six or seven years ago, i still panic when I see those damn swing set rides!
Y'know, theres a lesson to learn from this: Carnies are at the root of all evil.