I get way too into the books I read. I can't read Diary by Chuck Palahniuk anymore. It's about to make me physically fucking ill. I haven't read a book that warped my mind so bad since House Of Leaves, but even that book had some parts that were upbeat. Now don't get my wrong, the book is fucking amazing. The story is amazing and the writing is phenominal, but the book is so dismal and graphic, and every word I read fills me with this impending sense of doom. The same impending sense of doom I feel when I read about my potential heart problems. That's even listed as one of the symptoms of a heart attack.
* A feeling of choking or a "tight throat," a lump in the throat, or a need to keep swallowing.
* A cold sweat.
* Nausea.
* A sense of impending doom.
* Difficulty breathing or breathlessness.
* Palpitations, or feeling your heart beat rapidly or irregularly. (Palpitations are very common and are usually harmless in a healthy heart, but they may signal coronary artery disease if brought on by exertion.)
* Numbness or discomfort in either arm or hand.
* Weakness.
Hmmm.. When you're fucked up at 4 am and convinced you're having a heart attack and you're gonna die, that is not what you should read. But nobody told me that. And still no word on the tests. Fucking cardiologists. I see how much my health matters. "You have severe chest pains that have been getting worse over the last couple months, we'll put you on a monitor and schedule some real tests in 2 months, that is if you're not dead yet" Who knows. Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac. The latter is more likely, though the chest pains have been getting pretty bad. I haven't had one in over a week.
But mostly all this paranoia is from reading that fucking book. It gives me such a dismal outlook on everything and makes me want to give up on my art and everything. I looked up from reading and saw my reflection in the vanity and I had this look on my face, LEVATOR LABII SUPERIORIS muscle at work. Your sneer muscle I can't read more than a chapter at a time. I think I read in an interview that he wrote that book the way he did because he wanted to show that not all books have a happy twist. That is definately right. I guess I would recommend reading Diary, I mean, it's a good book, but its just so dark and depressing.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me today. I think I'm going fucking insane.
Oh, and I thought that my ears were healed enough, so I tried stretching them again and ripped them open again. I was at a 00 and now I can barely squeeze a 4 in there.
* A feeling of choking or a "tight throat," a lump in the throat, or a need to keep swallowing.
* A cold sweat.
* Nausea.
* A sense of impending doom.
* Difficulty breathing or breathlessness.
* Palpitations, or feeling your heart beat rapidly or irregularly. (Palpitations are very common and are usually harmless in a healthy heart, but they may signal coronary artery disease if brought on by exertion.)
* Numbness or discomfort in either arm or hand.
* Weakness.
Hmmm.. When you're fucked up at 4 am and convinced you're having a heart attack and you're gonna die, that is not what you should read. But nobody told me that. And still no word on the tests. Fucking cardiologists. I see how much my health matters. "You have severe chest pains that have been getting worse over the last couple months, we'll put you on a monitor and schedule some real tests in 2 months, that is if you're not dead yet" Who knows. Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac. The latter is more likely, though the chest pains have been getting pretty bad. I haven't had one in over a week.
But mostly all this paranoia is from reading that fucking book. It gives me such a dismal outlook on everything and makes me want to give up on my art and everything. I looked up from reading and saw my reflection in the vanity and I had this look on my face, LEVATOR LABII SUPERIORIS muscle at work. Your sneer muscle I can't read more than a chapter at a time. I think I read in an interview that he wrote that book the way he did because he wanted to show that not all books have a happy twist. That is definately right. I guess I would recommend reading Diary, I mean, it's a good book, but its just so dark and depressing.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me today. I think I'm going fucking insane.
Oh, and I thought that my ears were healed enough, so I tried stretching them again and ripped them open again. I was at a 00 and now I can barely squeeze a 4 in there.
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I also have chest pains but i am scare i guess of what they might say to me..sometimes it just feel like i can't breath..it weird..i probably need to get checked too.
Love,
Butterfly Suicide