Well, the other night I went over to a lesbian co-workers house to teach the next generation of hooligans how to drink. Now I went into this party knowing that no one there would be on my... level. But just how out of their league I was, was quickly made apparent.
This girl moved to my apartment complex about a week ago, and was having a house warming party. I walked over there sporting the usual Natty Light and Smirnof. To my delight (and also frustration) I am currently the only male there. Unfortunately, every girl there is a lesbian, accept for 2.. one of which is ugly and a completely whiney bitch, the other moderately attractive.. but not drinking Grrrr. Oh well.. all the more reason to drink.
My co-worker, Mallory, is smashed, and is currently wrestling with her lesbian roommate, who happens to be her other roommate's girlfriend. The wrestling dies down and I propose a shot, this gets me slightly dirty looks from 2 of the more sober roommates, but fuck'em, they are lesbians and not going to be sucking my dick. After these shots (I took a couple extra to catch up), Mallory and her drunken buddie, are sitting in the kitchen bashing each over in the face with this flimsy tin servering sheet.. I'm watching in amusement as one of the roommates tries to break this up, and then tries to take the drink of the other roommate (we'll call her.. uhh.. Maria.. I think her name was.. maybe), to which she is clinging to desperately. I comment that a little more isn't going to hurt her, and look how much she really wants it. I'm ignored.
So this other fucking lesbian shows up. She drinking.. not very much.. maybe 3-4 drinks. And fucking vomits. Jesus, the next generation of drinkers isn't looking too good. At least this one manages to vomit into a cup. Well.. this other... crazy pseudo-lesbian.. Crystal I think it is (who I later learn is a complete and utter whore at a mere 17 years old)... comes in to tkitchen.. sees the cup of puke.. and somehow.. I'm pretty sure it was her suggestion.. comes to think it would be a GREAT idea to drink this here cup of light-weight lesbian vomit. Now I have to admit.. that if I had been very drunk, my friends could of probably convinced me to do the same. But it would of taken some doing. This girl though.. I mean.. she fucking offered! Now I, being the great person I am, encourage her to do it, while other people standing around yell at her not to do it. She fucking turns that shit up, and promptly starts vomitting in the sink. Two lesbians run to the porch and start vomitting off the rail while I fall on the floor laughing.
Things have quieted down from the whole vomit drinking incident (Mallory and Maria are in seperate bathrooms, vomitting), and the survivors (god its only like 1:30-2 o'clock) are sitting in the living room shooting the shit. At a lull.. I tell the whiney, shy, attention seeking whore bitch straight girl.. that I've heard she can walk ten feet on her hands. Why I do this, I'm not sure. She doesn't take it.. well. She curls into a ball and starts sobbing and tells me to leave her the fuck alone. I'm amazed that it was this easy to make this girl cry (I really had been trying to be nice..). So I move on to crazy vomit drinking lesbian whore girl.. and say.. I bet you can't do a cart wheel. She looks at me in defiance and says fuck you. Attempts it.. and slams her leg into the stone fireplace. buwahaha.
Err.. anyways.. its 5.. and I have to be up in not too long.. more later if I feel like it.
This girl moved to my apartment complex about a week ago, and was having a house warming party. I walked over there sporting the usual Natty Light and Smirnof. To my delight (and also frustration) I am currently the only male there. Unfortunately, every girl there is a lesbian, accept for 2.. one of which is ugly and a completely whiney bitch, the other moderately attractive.. but not drinking Grrrr. Oh well.. all the more reason to drink.
My co-worker, Mallory, is smashed, and is currently wrestling with her lesbian roommate, who happens to be her other roommate's girlfriend. The wrestling dies down and I propose a shot, this gets me slightly dirty looks from 2 of the more sober roommates, but fuck'em, they are lesbians and not going to be sucking my dick. After these shots (I took a couple extra to catch up), Mallory and her drunken buddie, are sitting in the kitchen bashing each over in the face with this flimsy tin servering sheet.. I'm watching in amusement as one of the roommates tries to break this up, and then tries to take the drink of the other roommate (we'll call her.. uhh.. Maria.. I think her name was.. maybe), to which she is clinging to desperately. I comment that a little more isn't going to hurt her, and look how much she really wants it. I'm ignored.
So this other fucking lesbian shows up. She drinking.. not very much.. maybe 3-4 drinks. And fucking vomits. Jesus, the next generation of drinkers isn't looking too good. At least this one manages to vomit into a cup. Well.. this other... crazy pseudo-lesbian.. Crystal I think it is (who I later learn is a complete and utter whore at a mere 17 years old)... comes in to tkitchen.. sees the cup of puke.. and somehow.. I'm pretty sure it was her suggestion.. comes to think it would be a GREAT idea to drink this here cup of light-weight lesbian vomit. Now I have to admit.. that if I had been very drunk, my friends could of probably convinced me to do the same. But it would of taken some doing. This girl though.. I mean.. she fucking offered! Now I, being the great person I am, encourage her to do it, while other people standing around yell at her not to do it. She fucking turns that shit up, and promptly starts vomitting in the sink. Two lesbians run to the porch and start vomitting off the rail while I fall on the floor laughing.
Things have quieted down from the whole vomit drinking incident (Mallory and Maria are in seperate bathrooms, vomitting), and the survivors (god its only like 1:30-2 o'clock) are sitting in the living room shooting the shit. At a lull.. I tell the whiney, shy, attention seeking whore bitch straight girl.. that I've heard she can walk ten feet on her hands. Why I do this, I'm not sure. She doesn't take it.. well. She curls into a ball and starts sobbing and tells me to leave her the fuck alone. I'm amazed that it was this easy to make this girl cry (I really had been trying to be nice..). So I move on to crazy vomit drinking lesbian whore girl.. and say.. I bet you can't do a cart wheel. She looks at me in defiance and says fuck you. Attempts it.. and slams her leg into the stone fireplace. buwahaha.
Err.. anyways.. its 5.. and I have to be up in not too long.. more later if I feel like it.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
deckwreck:
Dude. That's fucking HILARIOUS.
flux:
Glorious, my friend. Y'all need to come out here and show these shiteating Californians how to drink.