Well hell.
It's been nearly two months since I updated- I suppose it's about that time.
I've been so busy being reckless and irresponsible that I haven't had time to sit and collect my thoughts for a long time.
There hasn't been a night in months that I haven't drank myself into oblivion just to drown out the deafening buzz of loneliness and misery.
Yes I sound overdramatic, and yes, things could be worse, I know.
But I've been stuck in this rut, and it's rapidly catching up to me.
The more I go out and have fun every night, the deeper the hole gets. It's an evil vicious downward spiral.
Similar to what RuneLateralus
said in his journal, I just had that feeling where I don't know why the hell I'm doing what I'm doing. I completely fell off my path.
But anyways.
On the brighter side, I've done all the fun things I wanted to do this summer along with things I didn't plan on- riding(going 140 down the highway), the race, shows, parties, excessive drinking, playing lotsa pool (it's so satisfying to watch a tough biker get beat by a girl), strip clubs (10 dollars all u can drink!), getting into a fight with a guy at a bar, and other such shenanigans.
My paintball tournament got cancelled unitl further notice (sniff).
I haven't yet made it to a Cubs game, (although I have promises), and I have yet to take Covin to the beach.
One of my friends works on a horse farm, so me n Covin will get to go horseback riding. I haven't been on horse since I lived on a farm in Georgia when I was 6.
I signed up for some more volunteer work, finally.
Now I have 2 weeks to somehow pull money out of my broke ass to go to New York, cuz I spent it all.
I hung out with Lennon and the guys at the Hardrock Hotel 3 days in a row, which was a good escape- although it got me in trouble at work...
(People check out her new set, and dammit go see her shows. Support my girl, she's amazing.)
I've made alot of new friends, lost a couple- physically and figuratively.
Figured out who the real ones are- at least I have a good idea...
I know one I'd like to never see again in my life but who won't leave me alone.
A few who have the wrong idea, but I don't want to lose.
One who I fell in love with and then chased away bcuz I was scared.
I could go on and on about the people in my life, but I think I'm the only one who knows what the hell I'm talkin about so I'll stop.
I apologize for the rambling, I haven't written in so long theres too much to even remember.
I need to stop saying one day I will, and just start writing my book.
I knew I said alot was gonna change this year, and it has, but there is still alot of work to be done.
I know I'm alot different.
I'm just not sure whether I've grown or regressed.
But here's to hoping that when Covin starts school in the fall, and I go back to school I can get my shit back together cuz I'll be sick of all the fun.
It sounds good anyway.
Much love.
Nicci.
It's been nearly two months since I updated- I suppose it's about that time.
I've been so busy being reckless and irresponsible that I haven't had time to sit and collect my thoughts for a long time.
There hasn't been a night in months that I haven't drank myself into oblivion just to drown out the deafening buzz of loneliness and misery.
Yes I sound overdramatic, and yes, things could be worse, I know.
But I've been stuck in this rut, and it's rapidly catching up to me.
The more I go out and have fun every night, the deeper the hole gets. It's an evil vicious downward spiral.
Similar to what RuneLateralus
said in his journal, I just had that feeling where I don't know why the hell I'm doing what I'm doing. I completely fell off my path.
But anyways.
On the brighter side, I've done all the fun things I wanted to do this summer along with things I didn't plan on- riding(going 140 down the highway), the race, shows, parties, excessive drinking, playing lotsa pool (it's so satisfying to watch a tough biker get beat by a girl), strip clubs (10 dollars all u can drink!), getting into a fight with a guy at a bar, and other such shenanigans.
My paintball tournament got cancelled unitl further notice (sniff).
I haven't yet made it to a Cubs game, (although I have promises), and I have yet to take Covin to the beach.
One of my friends works on a horse farm, so me n Covin will get to go horseback riding. I haven't been on horse since I lived on a farm in Georgia when I was 6.
I signed up for some more volunteer work, finally.
Now I have 2 weeks to somehow pull money out of my broke ass to go to New York, cuz I spent it all.
I hung out with Lennon and the guys at the Hardrock Hotel 3 days in a row, which was a good escape- although it got me in trouble at work...
(People check out her new set, and dammit go see her shows. Support my girl, she's amazing.)
I've made alot of new friends, lost a couple- physically and figuratively.
Figured out who the real ones are- at least I have a good idea...
I know one I'd like to never see again in my life but who won't leave me alone.
A few who have the wrong idea, but I don't want to lose.
One who I fell in love with and then chased away bcuz I was scared.
I could go on and on about the people in my life, but I think I'm the only one who knows what the hell I'm talkin about so I'll stop.
I apologize for the rambling, I haven't written in so long theres too much to even remember.
I need to stop saying one day I will, and just start writing my book.
I knew I said alot was gonna change this year, and it has, but there is still alot of work to be done.
I know I'm alot different.
I'm just not sure whether I've grown or regressed.
But here's to hoping that when Covin starts school in the fall, and I go back to school I can get my shit back together cuz I'll be sick of all the fun.
It sounds good anyway.
Much love.
Nicci.
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
But I am back so, stop partying, get your life back together, take lil Covin to the friggin' beach and get over your fear and take hold of that love once again!!
Love you girl...
*hugs*