Tonight, I am prone to ceaseless pacing. I am glad the downstairs is an empty stage, and not a private residence, as they would be driven mad by incessant footsteps. I can't sleep. I have to rise before the sun and sit exams into the late afternoon, and then dance tonight for the drunks that stumble in to celebrate a holiday they don't even understand. It won't be until after they've stumbled back to either their beds, or the gutter, that I'll be permitted to go home.
and yet. and yet and yet and yet.
My medication has increased, and with it my nightmares have returned; mirrors within mirrors within mirrors. I wake only to find I am still trapped in a continuous loop. Even now the thought taunts that I am not truly in the land of the living.
Every night, it's a new apocalypse, a new way for the world to end, but always it's that opaque, steadily advancing wall of flame that finds me in the end. It's that impenetrable beast that swallows everything I have ever known and ever loved. This is not Rapture, this is something else; you will not find Him here, nor are the infamous horsemen present. The human race has been left to fend for itself; the bodies of the dead are reanimated, moving discordant limbs to reach through the topsoil like so many pale white grubs and maggots. Their skin is rotting, without pigment, and never again meant to see the light of day. They're all waiting for something that does not come, that will never come.
The reason we don't remember most of our dreams can be explained by science. The chemical bonds that form the neural pathways between the conscious and subconscious begin to dissolve within thirty seconds of waking. Remembering is like grasping at water, but remember, we evolved to forget for a reason. if our mind finds it necessary to internally burn bridges, it is only to be expected that we extrapolate that behaviour to the outside world.
But something is wrong with me. I remember everything.
It's the remembering to divide between what is real and what is not,
Yeah, that's starting to get to me.
It's either this, or the seizures, the black lights, the cheap chemical epiphanies before the vague terror of an onset.
My doctor says I just need time to adjust.
Give it time. it takes time, time heals all things.
Enough time without sleep will erase anything you thought you cared for.
Time will take away everything that ever meant shit.
Baby, we've got all the time in the world, and right now this night could go on forever.
Fuck, oh God, Christ, this night could go on forever.
and yet. and yet and yet and yet.
My medication has increased, and with it my nightmares have returned; mirrors within mirrors within mirrors. I wake only to find I am still trapped in a continuous loop. Even now the thought taunts that I am not truly in the land of the living.
Every night, it's a new apocalypse, a new way for the world to end, but always it's that opaque, steadily advancing wall of flame that finds me in the end. It's that impenetrable beast that swallows everything I have ever known and ever loved. This is not Rapture, this is something else; you will not find Him here, nor are the infamous horsemen present. The human race has been left to fend for itself; the bodies of the dead are reanimated, moving discordant limbs to reach through the topsoil like so many pale white grubs and maggots. Their skin is rotting, without pigment, and never again meant to see the light of day. They're all waiting for something that does not come, that will never come.
The reason we don't remember most of our dreams can be explained by science. The chemical bonds that form the neural pathways between the conscious and subconscious begin to dissolve within thirty seconds of waking. Remembering is like grasping at water, but remember, we evolved to forget for a reason. if our mind finds it necessary to internally burn bridges, it is only to be expected that we extrapolate that behaviour to the outside world.
But something is wrong with me. I remember everything.
It's the remembering to divide between what is real and what is not,
Yeah, that's starting to get to me.
It's either this, or the seizures, the black lights, the cheap chemical epiphanies before the vague terror of an onset.
My doctor says I just need time to adjust.
Give it time. it takes time, time heals all things.
Enough time without sleep will erase anything you thought you cared for.
Time will take away everything that ever meant shit.
Baby, we've got all the time in the world, and right now this night could go on forever.
Fuck, oh God, Christ, this night could go on forever.
I used to have intoxicating nightmares too.
They say it gets better....... here's hoping for both of us.