It's been too long, I see.
This last school year has been hectic. I took 19 hours in the Fall and 15 for this last Spring semester. I changed my major in the middle of the Fall from Secondary Ed.-Social Studies to just a BA in History. Best decision ever!
I wanted to take these amount of courses because school has been a great coping mechanism for my PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I figured, "there's no such thing as too much of something good, right?"
After the Fall, I was mentally depleted. I figured 15 hours was a good drop. I would eventually take classes that averaged about 15 pages of essay writing a week. I'd have to drop one of those classes, lightening up some, but still aggressively busy.
In March, I started to lose my appetite. A hearty eater all my life, the change of plentiful, pleasuring eating became a task. After two weeks of suppressive eating, I felt tightness in my chest, getting stronger everyday. But, my work needed to be completed and I was ok with it, because I did love doing it.
On Wednesday April 19th, I suffered a panic attack after not sleeping for two days, and it happened on campus. I couldn't believe this had happened to me. I thought I was happy with school. The classes, the clubs (school, not night), the volunteering; I honestly thought everything was smooth.
However, my psychiatrist pointed out something that makes sense and I needed to hear it. I'm addicted to community service and can't say "no."
I do too much. Because I do too much, I never really rest...and I paid for it.
Now, I'm focused on completing my Incomplete classes, thanks to my awesome professors and instructors. I'm back into therapy at an outpatient clinic in the VA. Now, since I will take this next semester off, I'm looking for internships.
Wish me luck. :*
