Have you ever been hurt?
I mean, really hurt...to the point that you hate yourself so much for falling for someone's deceptions that you put up a wall? Not a real wall, but one inside yourself. An emotional barrier. And then, someone comes along, and you find yourself letting that wall down. Then, just as your guard is down, they wrench you apart inside, kicking you in the heart so much that if it were your face, only your dental records could identify you. Making you bleed metaphorically so much that you wax poetic in order to survive?
And another wall goes up, stronger. Concrete, or so you think. And you let your wall down again, this time thinking maybe humanity isn't the pile of shit you thought they were, that you can trust your friends, your family with your secrets. That you can breathe again, walk in the sun and not get burnt.
Then you get the butt of a gun to your face, and you regret ever trusting them.
Imagine a vicious cycle, where you throw up stronger and stronger walls, shoving more people away to the extent you become afraid of them, almost as afraid of them as you are of yourself, the cutter, the liar, the fake. thestupidlittlefuckwhocan'tthinkforhimselfsohereliesuponnothing.nosupport.nobackup. And no, its not like you didn't bring it on yourself. You asked for it, you craved the alone time, practically handing your blades to yourself, and locking the doors, throwing everything away. Losing contact. Old friends, close friends, are lost only because you wanted them away.
And then, there's no one. You're alone in your self-made oubliette. And you think you're happy, think you're safe. Until you're lonely. Desperate for human contact, biting your fist, wanting to cry but you lost your tears so long ago, scratching at the walls until your fingernails rip off, screaming your throat hoarse. All in your own heart. You suffocate daily. The walls close in on you, as you shy away further, desperate for contact but scared so much to take that first step. Sure, no one knows it on the outside. Outside, you're personable. You're nice, outgoing, friendly. A bit odd, but that's all right. I mean, after all, its not like you would have anything beyond the normal problems.
Everyone thinks you're normal.
But inside, you're dying.
I mean, really hurt...to the point that you hate yourself so much for falling for someone's deceptions that you put up a wall? Not a real wall, but one inside yourself. An emotional barrier. And then, someone comes along, and you find yourself letting that wall down. Then, just as your guard is down, they wrench you apart inside, kicking you in the heart so much that if it were your face, only your dental records could identify you. Making you bleed metaphorically so much that you wax poetic in order to survive?
And another wall goes up, stronger. Concrete, or so you think. And you let your wall down again, this time thinking maybe humanity isn't the pile of shit you thought they were, that you can trust your friends, your family with your secrets. That you can breathe again, walk in the sun and not get burnt.
Then you get the butt of a gun to your face, and you regret ever trusting them.
Imagine a vicious cycle, where you throw up stronger and stronger walls, shoving more people away to the extent you become afraid of them, almost as afraid of them as you are of yourself, the cutter, the liar, the fake. thestupidlittlefuckwhocan'tthinkforhimselfsohereliesuponnothing.nosupport.nobackup. And no, its not like you didn't bring it on yourself. You asked for it, you craved the alone time, practically handing your blades to yourself, and locking the doors, throwing everything away. Losing contact. Old friends, close friends, are lost only because you wanted them away.
And then, there's no one. You're alone in your self-made oubliette. And you think you're happy, think you're safe. Until you're lonely. Desperate for human contact, biting your fist, wanting to cry but you lost your tears so long ago, scratching at the walls until your fingernails rip off, screaming your throat hoarse. All in your own heart. You suffocate daily. The walls close in on you, as you shy away further, desperate for contact but scared so much to take that first step. Sure, no one knows it on the outside. Outside, you're personable. You're nice, outgoing, friendly. A bit odd, but that's all right. I mean, after all, its not like you would have anything beyond the normal problems.
Everyone thinks you're normal.
But inside, you're dying.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
l7rules:
yea excellent entry. the problem i eventually you dont drop all the walls and relationships dont work as easy cause you dont take the walls down anymore. not because you dont want to but because you forgot how to
kellyjanice:
i do know what you mean 