visionfromacrash

Valentine had long ago observerd that in a society that expected chastity and fidelity, like Lusitania, the adolescents who controlled and channeled their youthful passion were the ones who grew up to be both strong and civilized. Adolescents in such a community who were either too weak to control themselves or too contemptuous of society's norms to try usually ended up being either sheep or wolves-either mindless members of the herd or predators who took what they could and gave nothing.

That's from Xenocide by Orson Scott Card, for those who don't know. I've been reading it lately and have come to new thoughts about myself.

I used to say that I lost my virginity in a very regrettable incident. For the most part, that is still true. I feel bad because I hurt the first person (in my belief) who really cared about me for who I was, and didn't just want to use me. And so, I turned around and treated her like a dick because I was too young. Before you judge me too harshly for my past mistakes, understand that I regret them daily.

Upon reading this passage, I had a moment of reflection and tried to wonder if I was a sheep or a wolf. Due to the hollowness I often feel inside I want to say the latter, but I really can't choose between the two.

I'm sorry to have just wandered off there, but I had to get that out of my head and off somewhere. Since my parents and sister arrived I've had fun and have eaten out at fancy places and been dragged around on very little sleep. I feel drained, but happy. I kinda hate playing translator all the time, but what can I expect?

I don't feel like going into details, but I would like to say I had a wonderful time at Les furieux last night, andthat it was awesome to see Raia and meet her friends.


Edit: The past tense means this past weekend. I'm confused on my role in life, but I don't know how to start to figure it out.